I Will Always love you
by Twilightspaz
Summary: Bella has kept one of her biggest secerts from Edward. She never wanted him to know and planned on taking her secert to the grave. After 4 years Bella returns to Forks,with her secert. Will Edward forgive her. Will bella forgive him for trying to be happy
1. Is this the end?

I am seventeen, SEVENTEEN how in the hell could this be happening to me, of all people.

Plain, little old me.

Isabella Marie Swan.

How…. There just too much to wrap my mind around. I would need to tell my parents but I sure as hell could never tell Edward. This would make him feel trapped, it would make him feel like he needed to love me when really he didn't. I wasn't his type of girl. His type of girl was blonde, tan, skinny but not in the extremes. I had none of that going for me I was brunette, paler than a ghost the only thing was that I was skinny. But even that didn't cut it. I am a klutz constantly making a fool out of myself. To make it worse that I am best friends with one of the most graceful people in the world, Alice. Who just happened to be Edward's sister. Edward didn't deserve any of this and I most of all didn't deserve him.

"Okay, all they had was Clearblue" Alice said while handing me a small brown bag. Inside that small brown bag was a test, a test that is going to determine my future. Not only my future but almost everyone around me.

"Alic-"my voice cracked giving away my desperate attempt to keep my thoughts to myself.

"Bella its going to, _fine_" she soothed "I will always be here for you, no matter what the stick says"

She stuck her key into the ignition and we slowly made are way out of the parking lot back to her house.

"You _sure_ he's not going to be there?" I questioned

"Yeah, he's gone out with some friends… Bella he's really upset that you're not talking to him." Guilt washed over me. How could I be doing this to him, how could I be causing him so much pain.

"It's for the best, he can't know." I murmured turning my face to gaze out the window. It was fall out, my favourtie season; the weather though was less than desirable. It was raining, as usual. But all the trees were such beautiful shades of oranges and red that I totally became consumed in thought.

I slowly let the events of that night run through my head

*******

Flashback

"Edward" I sobbed "She just so cruel, she hates me!!"

"Bella, who cares what Tanya thinks, it doesn't matter, I'm here" he said while running his fingers through my hair.

"I know you here, I… I" _I love you_. I wanted to say that so badly. But he would never love me back he was popular, and I wasn't. He was extremely good looking, I was plain. "I really appreciate it" I smile at him.

Edward and I weren't the closest of friends…. at school, but at home it was a whole different story. I constantly would go over to Alice's house even when she wasn't home just to talk to him. He understood me more than most other people ever do. And I understood him.

He hugged me closer to his heart.

"Bella never let her make you feel worthless, you are anything but ordinary. Without you I probably wouldn't be here. You pulled me through some of the hardest points in my life" he gushed. "Life would be pointless without you."

I stared at him amazed, did he really just say that to me? Before I could think my lips were on his. He kissed me back with intensity. Maybe he really did love me. NO BELLA. He's your friend. But do friends hold friends they way he is holding me?

My hands caressed over his chest when I found myself unbuttoning his shirt. He didn't protest he just kissed me with more passion.

_End_

BELLA STOP. I was screaming at myself. How could I let those thoughts invade my head. I promised myself that I would never think of him like that ever again. But I constantly found myself thinking about it, imagining other outcomes. Thing were extremely awkward between us now. All because of stupid me, why did I have to start kissing him? He probably thought I was a weird freak. But would things have gotten as far as they did it he had thought that?

"Bella?" Alice looked a little worried. I hadn't realized that we had already made it to her house.

"Oh… were here? Already… that was fast." I breathed.

"The car ride was half and hour… are you sure your ok. Maybe we should get my dad to check you out." She mumbled while giving me a once over with her eyes.

"Alice I'm ffff-innee" I stuttered

Alice got out of the car and went to unlock her front door. Her house was beautiful, the sheer size of it had always amazed me, ever since Alice and I had become friends in 8th grade she would constantly bring me over to her house and ever time I saw it still to this very day, it took my breathe away.

Alice stalked up her stairs while I stumbled along behind, on the way to her room we past Edward's room were my entire dilemma started.

When I finally made it into her room Alice was already on her bed reading the instructions of the pregnancy test.

"Alice… what if it's positive?" I bit down on my lower lip.

"Bella just go take it already and then we will go from there." She replied a little harshly.

I stalked off into her huge bathroom.

*****

"Alice how much more time?" I paced impatience

"Thirty more seconds, Bella breathe everything is fine." She instructed.

_In. Out. In. Out. In. Out._

"Okay you can look now." She said.

"No you look for me…" I closed my eyes as I saw her reach for the stick.

I heard her inhale.

"Positive" I opened my eyes to see her beaming. Why the heck is she smiling like a fool this is going to ruin my life.

I went to stand up but instead of raising the floor came closer and closer to my face until everything went black.

I'm screwed.


	2. Forever

"Bella, Bella!!" I slowly came back into conscious carefully not opening my eyes.

"How long has she been out?" came a deep voice from across the room.

"Around five minutes, give or take" came a voice from my side, sounded like Alice.

"Alice, I think that I should check her out, give her the once over" he sounded a little panic strict in, it must be Carlisle, for one time in my live I actually was not thankful that he was a doctor.

"Dad she's fine" she sighed "She's just….. um" Crap what was she going to say; _Bella this would be a good time to open your eyes_ my mind screamed at me.

"Um … what? Alice, spit it out!" Carlisle sounded impatience

My eyes began to flutter. I squinted a bit adjusting to the light when I realized that I was on Alice's bed. Thank God. If Carlisle had found us in the washroom with my… pregnancy test we would have be done, screwed, and my attempt to keep this 'incident' a secret would be pointless. But thankfully, I'm guessing Alice dragged me to her bed.

"Bella, are you alright?" Carlisle questioned his doctor's skills kicking into high gear.

"Yeah, um I'm fine" I replied struggling to sit up the room was still spinning around me. "Take it easy now" Carlisle said while pushing me down gently back onto the bed. I gave in and plopped my head back onto Alice's fluffy pillows.

"Is there anything you want?" he questioned

"I just want to go home." I mumbled

"Were going to have to watch you for a little while, just to make sure that your fainting spell was stress induced." Carlisle replied "You can leave after dinner" _Dinner_ with a family that would someday be the grandparents, aunts and uncles, and father of my unborn child. Just thinking about it sent shiver down my spine. The room suddenly started to spin a little to fast for my liking.

"Dinner" I croaked

"Bella" Alice gave me warning gaze.

Carlisle seemed not notice my desperate attempt to keep my self together.

"Okay see you two downstairs in a round an hour, Alice your mother is making a big pot of pasta, Edward's bring a few of his over to." Crap. Edward

Carlisle quietly made his way out of the room closing the door behind him. I turned to Alice and broke into tears.

"Alice, what the HELL am I going to do?" I sobbed into her pillow

"Bella, Bella, don't you see that everything is going to be fine" Alice beamed. She always had the oddest way of looking at things.

"I am going to keep it" I said looking down at my stomach. Blushing scarlet.

" Well of COURSE you are, you and my brother got into this, your not getting out that easily" She yelled.

"_Shhhh."_ I sat up to look her directly in the eyes. "You have to promise me on thing though, no matter what… you can't tell Edward." I whispered

" But, Bella he's the father don't you think he deserves a right to know?" her gaze penetrated seemly directly into my soul.

"Alice he just can't, I… I… I have my reason okay?" I pleaded

"Fine, Bella I will keep this secret, but Edward's clever/ I have a feeling somehow, some way he will find out."

"Not under my watch" I replied harshly, Alice and her weird feelings.

"Girl's dinner!" called Esme, Alice's mom.

"Coming" we called in unison.

Alice danced gracefully into the dinning room while I stumbled in behind her, nearly knocking over a vase.

I took a seat beside Alice. Edward wasn't at the table yet. Thankfully.

"Dinner boys!" called Esme. In came Emmett, Edward and Alice's older, larger brother who had a heart that matched his size. Mike Netwon and Tyler Crowley tailed behind. They were Edward's football friends.

And then came in Edward, looking more glorious then ever. _ NO BELLA_ _don't even go there_, _ don't think of him like that_. But it was so hard not to think of him in that way.

He saw me gazing at him and threw me a beautiful crooked smile. I quickly lowered me gazed blushing deep red. Edward took a seat across from me.

Throughout dinner I occasionally looked up at him and realize that he was looking at me with a pained expression in his eyes. Oh his eyes, I could get lost in them for hours with that beautiful shade of emerald. Stop. _Careful there Bella_. My thoughts screamed at me. Thankfully dinner was dwindling down.

"May I be excused for a moment?" I asked peeling my stare away from Edward.

"Of course sweetheart" came Esme's sweetly warm voice.

I stumbled off to the front door to get some fresh air. The day had turned into a beautiful evening. There was a new moon tonight and the sky was very clear for a night in Fork, Washington. Every star twinkled like a brilliant sun.

I felt a light tape on my shoulder. I spun around to find Edward standing behind me.

"Bella… im sorry, I should of never let things get as far as they did." He paused and my heart drop, somewhere inside of me I was glad thing went where they did, but Edward was obviously not. " But Bella you should have come and talked to me before you decided to ignore me completely" The sadness grew within his eyes; little did he know that I was ignoring him for his own benefit.

_Oh Edward…_

"Edward I'm only ignoring you for you own good" I replied harshly turning the other direction so that he wouldn't realized that I was letting tears fall over the brims of my eyes.

"For my own good? How can you possibly say that after that night, you not talking to me has made my life hell on earth. Life's worthless, unless _your_ in it."He said spinning me around so that he could look directly into my eyes.

"Bella?" He sounded alarmed as he wiped away one of the tears that were slowly slipping down my face. _Oh Edward if only you knew who much I love you_.

"Why are you crying?" I couldn't do this, I couldn't see his beautiful face everyday without telling him the real reason why I was ignoring him.

"Edward" I wrapped my arms around he waist. He hugged my closer to his chest.

"I can't, I can't see your face daily after what we did. Were from two different universe practically, your beautiful and popular. And I'm plain old me." I said throwing my arms into the arm. "Edward… I….I, love you. I love you now and I will love you forever. Remember that."

I said while twisting out from under his grip.

"Bella … I …I-" Before he could continue I ran into the house. I didn't want to hear what he was about to say, no matter what it might be. I would only make what I was about to do ten times harder.

I ran into the dinning room where only Alice and Emmett now sat. Thankfully, because I probably looked horrible I could feel the warm moisture running down my face. I needed to get out of here.

Emmett shot Edward a death glare. Edward slowly appeared out of the darkness.

"Alice, I need to go home, _now_" I whispered. Alice jumped to her feet

"Of course" she said while picking up her keys.

As we stalked out the front door I looked back to see Edward standing in shock with one tear slowly running down his face. I knew that, that was going to be an image that I was going to have to live with for a long time.

**I wont be posting more for a little bit. Until after Christmas some time.**

**Thank you for reviewing.**

**Hope you enjoy the story.**

**This is the first fanfiction I have published.**

**Merry Christmas everyone ******


	3. This is a small town

Alice and I drove back to my house in silence. The tears continuously following down my cheeks. I knew what I was going to have to do in order to be sure that Edward would never find out about this "mistake' we had created. But I knew doing it would leave me dead yet still alive; but I had to do this to protect me, Edward and our unborn child. But how was I going to tell people, especially Alice she would kill me if see knew what I was going to have to do. Just as the guilt and indecision washed through out me we pulled into my familiar driveway. Charlie, my father was already home from what I could tell. His police cruiser was parked directly behind my classic read Chevy.

"Alice" I sniffed trying to hide the remains of my tears. I turned so that I could look into her clear sky blue eyes

"Alice," I continued " Thank you for always being there for me, you are the nicest, kindest, best kind of friend anyone could ever ask for, and I love you for that, I will always be here for you no matter what and no matter how faraway we might live when we… grow up" I knew that it wouldn't be when we grew up, because I need to leave Forks, I need to get as faraway from this place as possible, and I never planned on coming back.

"Bella, why are you telling me all of this" she questioned with confusion a prominent expression within her eyes. But I couldn't tell her, I couldn't tell her that I was planning on running away. She would never let me leave her. But I had to no matter what and no matter how much it hurts.

"I don't know" I said trying to act dumbfounded I glanced out my window with a new glaze of tears covering my what seemingly constant moisture covered eyes.

"Alice, I got to go Charlie is probably wondering where I am" I said quietly so that she wouldn't hear the sadness in my voice.

"Okay Bella" she paused and I started to get out of the car "You're the most caring and sweet and of course beautiful friend I could ever meet" She smiled; I looked down blushing.

"Thanks" I whispered slowly still getting out of the car.

"See you tomorrow, call me if you need anything" She replied

"Okay" I croaked. Then I shut the door behind me.

_Oh Alice I'll miss you_

I watched as her car drove away becoming consumed in darkness.

I quietly twisted the doorknob and hung my coat up on the rack beside the front door.

"Bella is that you?" came Charlie's panicked voice.

"Yeah dad it's me, sorry I forgot to call, the Cullen's invited me over for dinner" I replied

"Are you… okay?" He questioned obviously aware of the tears still streaming down my face. I could feel my eyes were big and puffy and probably red.

"Yeah-" my voice cracked. Crap how was I going to tell him, my father that his under age daughter was pregnant with a child and it's father didn't even know about it.

He wouldn't be too happy about that.

"Um… I think I am going to go to sleep, I'll see you in the morning" I stiffed a yawn trying to make it seem as if I was really tried.

"Okay, have a good sleep Bells" I felt Charlie's gaze on my back as I made it up the stairs.

Finally I made it to my room. I slam the door behind me and just let myself fall apart.

The next I knew it was two in the morning; I had fallen asleep in the fetal position with my head slammed under a pillow. As I tried to get comfortable thought just kept swirling in my mind.

_How was I going to tell Charlie? Where was I going to go? How was I going to get there? How was I going to tell ALICE?_

There was so much to think about. And that's when it came to me… I would live with my mother. I had left Renee to live with Charlie when I was 13 so that she could get settled within her new life with her new husband Phil. My mother had always understood me, even though I knew she would be angry with me at first I knew that eventually she would help me out and she would understand the reason why I couldn't tell Edward. But then that left the main question how was I going to get there. I knew my truck would probably not make it, But I was worth a try.

I franticly searched around my room for money for me to bring with me. After finding only $100 dollars in my bedroom I decided that it was worth a try to look downstairs.

I quietly creped down the stairs holding on to the railing for dear life. Thankfully I could hear Charlie's muffled snores coming from his room. But with my luck I slipped on my last step falling flat onto my face.

_Crap._

But nothing had changed within the atmosphere. Charlie's snores still cascaded down the stairway as if it were a lullaby. I would miss that.

I felt my way around the living room until I found the light switch and snapped on the lights.

After fifteen minutes of searching I had found $315.76 all together just enough to buy a plane ticket to Phoenix. I ran back upstairs to find yellow pages. And found the number to the only airport within Forks/Port Angles area.

After talking with them for and hour I finally got myself into a place for a second class ticket to Phoenix leaving tomorrow… well I guess today at 11am. Which meant I need to start to pack.

After I had packed all the clothes that could fit into my small suitcase, I decided the way I was going to tell Alice and Charlie about my departure to Phoenix. Through a letter, English had always been my best subject so what better way then to tell them through writing.

First I wrote a letter to Charlie…

_Dear Charlie,_

_I love you, I am so glad that you are my father and that I got to live with you for as long as I did… I just wish that we could of had more time together; because I feel like I am just starting to get to know you. But Dad the thing is, is that I just need to spend some time with mom because of some certain matters. I know that you will hear about it from her, probably very soon. And I am sorry it happened, and I am sorry I couldn't tell you myself face-to-face but I was just too scared. Please find it in your heart to forgive me. Don't come after me. I will be fine. I will call you when I get to Mom's._

_I love you._

_-Bella_

Next I wrote my letter to Alice….

_Dear Alice,_

_I love you, I am so glad that you decide to talk to me back on that day so long ago when I first met you in grade 8. I was the shy, quiet girl and you were the loud, funny, dancer like child. Can I say opposite attract? But Alice, after all that we have been through I pains me to say, but I have to leave. It's the best for me and my baby, and especially Edward. I can't go on ignoring him when I see him ever single day. It's just too hard. Alice I will keep writing to you and give you constant updates._

_You just need to remember one thing. You can never tell Edward why I left. Though I think he will know that I had something to do with him. But you can never tell him the exact circumstances of my departure._

_Alice I will write you as soon as I get to where I am going._

_Forever and always,_

_Bella._

And I sealed the letter with a tear. I glance quickly at the clock; it was three in the morning. I knew I would have to leave earlier then Charlie if I wanted to get away. Which gave me around and hour to sleep. I set my alarm clock and feel into a deep slumber.

The next I knew my alarm clock was ringing in my ear, I jumped out of bed determine to leave this place. I quickly slipped into some clothes and grabbed my suitcase and the letters. I felt a little nausea, maybe this is what morning sickness felt like.

Before I stumbled down the stairs I slipped the letter addressed to Charlie under his bedroom door. I knew that today would be the last time I would hear Charlie's soft snores for a long time. Before I could break into sobs I ran down the stairs and out to my red truck.

I was now five in the morning so I drove over to the Cullen's so that I could put Alice's letter by the door. It took me half and hour to reach the fortress but when I finally got there the sun was just beginning to rise. It hit the house making it look like I was just out of a magazine. I cut off the engine, and quietly shut the ancient door behind me. I ran to the porch and gently placed the letter on top of there door mat. I lingered there for a moment letting the joyful thoughts of the past run through my head.

Hangout in the summer with Alice.

Sitting on this very porch eating popsicles with Alice and Edward.

Falling up the stairs on this porch numerous times.

And then came the most resent one, crying the night I told Edward I loved him, the last night that I ever planned on seeing Edward again.

I just broke, I started to cry. Before I could let anyone hear me I ran into my truck. And pulled out of there monstrous driveway.

I looked back in my review mirror to see there house slowly slipping away in to the light of a new day.

This is a big world, that was just a small town.

**Thank you everyone for reading. Hope everyone had a merry Christmas.**

**Happy New year.**

**Please review.**

**I will post the next chapter within a few days. Just probably not tomorrow cause its my birthday. :) **

**-Lauren**


	4. I wish I was looking in your eyes

After 4 excruciatingly long hours cooped up on the plane leading me to Phoenix away from… Forks; I finally made it to the city where my mother, much like me escaped from Forks when I was just and infant and when things had gone a rye with Charlie.

I knew this city like the back of my hand for which I was thankful. And thankfully Phil's baseball job hadn't worked out in Jacksonville, Florida so him and my mother moved back here to Phoenix just one of my many home towns.

After getting my seemingly small suitcase compared to everyone elses I went outside into the warm, hot air. This place was so different from the climate in which I had been living in for four year. Forks was a green, moist place, with weather that was always in a constant downpour.

And hear in Phoenix it was lucky if we ever got rain.

I would miss the smell outside after the rain dampened the earth.

I would miss the sunless days.

I would miss the people.

After I tried to hale a cab unsuccessfully I finally got one to stop. I jumped in and told the man which direction to go.

I hoped it wouldn't cost too much because I was slowly becoming low on cash.

_**********************************************************************_

Finally I made it to my home, to my only security in this cold, hard world. I quickly paid the cab driver and made my way up the driveway to my all but forgotten house.

I could hear my mothers classical music playing inside, it sounded to me like Clair De Lune.

The pain stung, that was Edward's favorite.

_Get him out of your head Bella_. _He's all but a memory_. I internally screamed at myself. I could feel the tears staring to form in my eyes.

I quickly wiped them away.

Finally I mustarded up the courage to knock on my mother's door.

After ringing the doorbell a couple of times my mothers, warm, loving, kind face greeted mine.

"Bella?" Shock filled her face

"Hi mom" I murmured

"Isabella Marie Swan, how in _hell_ did you get here?" she asked motioning for me to come in.

"Um… well, let's say… Charlie has a lot of lose change lying around." I stiffed a sigh.

_Charlie…_

"Does he know you're here?" she questioned

"I think?' I replied

"You _think?"_ she mimicked my tone.

"I kind of… wrote him a _letter_" I responded.

"Oh Bella, Bella, what are we going to do with you?" she looked down at me with softness in her eyes.

I popped, I just broke, and tears started to cascade down my face. Renee's face was shocked.

"Mom" I sobbed

"Bella, Sweetheart what's wrong?" she questioned, hugging me tight to her heart.

I need to tell her, I wanted to tell her, no matter what I knew she would be here for me, she was my mother.

"Mom…" I started crying even harder. "I'm-" I cried "kind... of…. pregnant"

I looked up towards her with tear filled eyes. Her expression was shocked, terrified and angry but most of all compassionate. She knew what I was going through. Because she had went through a situation much like mine. Except she told my father and he actually got to the baby, me before my mother decided to disappeared.

"Oh god.." was all she said before she plopped down on the couch beside us. I just cried harder.

"Bella, Bella its okay, everything is fine" she soothed as I slid in a sat myself beside her.

"Mom, I'm seventeen, how am I going to start a life with a baby." I sobbed into her shirt.

"Honey, everything will work out" she said running her hands through my hair.

"Everyone keeps telling me that. But mom nothing ever works out from me. Everything always goes wrong. I am in love with a guy that doesn't love me. He doesn't know I am pregnant with baby and he never will, and I had to run away from Charlie and Alice." I sobbed harder.

"Maybe Bella, things aren't working out for you know cause something better is suppose to happen later" my mother always had a strange outlook on things, I found her outlook on life was much like Alice's.

_Alice…_

"Why don't you clean up. You know where your old room is. Rest a bit, I will call Charlie and tell him not worry and your here. And Bella I need to tell him…. the reason… he's _your _father he needs to know." She said reaching towards the phone.

"Okay, mom please tell him, that I'm…. sorry and that I…. love him" I mumbled as I trudged down to the room that I had nearly forgot about.

I opened the door to see something that looked like it was straight out from my past. The sheet where the nasty pink color that I had pick when I was ten and the walls where a gross lime color. This room really made me miss my one back in Forks. I closed the door, just as I hear Renee first greet Charlie on the phone. I didn't want to hear anymore of the conversation. Whenever I thought about it made me nauseous. I looked towards the clock to see that it was 6pm. My stomach grumbled giving me the sign that it was time for dinner. But no way in hell was I planning on facing Renee while on the phone with Charlie.

So I just lay there looking at the ceiling. Before I knew it my eye lids slid shut.

And I began to dream.

This dream was different, it was more vivid then most dreams I had ever had before.

In this dream I was in Edward's arms and he was holding me close to him.

"Bella, I love you" he whispered in my ear. The words set my skin a blast. He placed his index finger underneath my chin and cocked my face up for my to look to his. I gazed into his beautiful emerald eyes.

" I will always love you, no matter what happens and no matter how far you go remember my love is forever." He said and then kissed me.

I closed my eyes and when I reopened them I was back into my room.

The dream had felt as if I had actually been there, in his arms as he serenaded me with his love. How much I wanted that to be true. How much I would give right now to be in his arms.

That was my happy place. But I knew that I would never be there again. I had to remind myself that or else I would keep getting lost in all of these foolish fantasies.

I glanced over to the clock, it was three in the morning, again I couldn't fall asleep so I decided that I would write Alice.

_Dear Alice,_

_I made it to my mom's house. I can't sleep so I decided to write to you. I miss you. I love you and I hope you can forgive me for leavening, but you know that it was for the best._

_I love you, I hope you write back._

_But Alice you need to know that I am never coming back. It might hurt. But I can't face your brother. I never meant to cause you trouble, or do you harm. But it was like there was a spider web and I was caught in the middle. I'm sorry._

_Forever and always,_

_Bella_

Home was where I wanted to go, but home was this place now and I was never ever going back to that place I had once called my home. It was for the best. I would save everyone the burden if I just stayed here.

************************************************************************

**Thank you to everyone that reviewed.**

_**xxxShyxPrincessx13xxx ; Qwerty( ) ; TwilightLoVeR12EDWARD;**__** MistyMelody**__** ; **__**oceanlover14**__** and puasluoma**_

**Also thank you everyone for the birthday wishes :) **

**Please review.**

**I will be posting more when the next day or two.**

**-Lauren**


	5. Author note PLEASE READ IMPORTANT!

**Hey everyone :) So as I sat down to write more of the story I realized that I didn't have a lot of material to fill up seven years. So I switched it to four. Just so that I could get to the good part faster :P.**

**Also I am having some writers block write now. I need your help.**

**Because like I said before, I want to get to the good parts so should I jump 9 months of 4 years?**

**Please review and tell me which you would like more.**


	6. I can't forget you

The next morning I awoke to unfamiliar settings, the sun was streaming in my window making my room bright, to bright.

I threw my sheets off knowing that I wasn't going to be getting anymore sleep and staggered sleepy down the hallway.

My mother was already in the kitchen, trying to cook.

_I was going to starve…_

My mother wasn't the best cook in the world.

"Morin' Mom" I said while taking a seat at the kitchen table.

"Hey Bella!" Renee said enthusiastically. I forgot, my mother was a morning person.

_What I would give to be back at Charlie's place…_ NO BELLA. Just thinking about it made me heart feel heavy.

"So… um.. hon? Charlie's wasn't to…. pleased with the news that I shared with him yesterday" she said looking down to the pan where her eggs were cooking.

"I knew he wouldn't" I said as a tear slow slid down my face.

_How could I do this to him…_

But, I reminded myself, I needed to this, for my own god and for everyone else back in Forks. It would be easier if I just never saw them again.

My mother saw my internal dilemma.

"Bella, everything is okay, he knows that you love him." she walked over to me and wiped away my tear that was slowly trickling down my face.

"I just don't if I can do this, I mean-" before I could say anything I broke into another sob. My mother squeezed me into a hug.

"It's okay" she soothed "Stop crying, and go get ready we have some stuff to do today" _Oh God_ I though internally. Before I could let her ramble on I smelt something.

"Mom, I think you eggs are burning" My stomach did a flip. "Excuse me" I said as I ran off to the bathroom.

Morning sickness. I sighed

As I came back into the living room my mother gave me a once over.

"Like I was saying we need to do things today… like bring you to a doctor, for a check up." I hated doctors.

"Do we have to?" I whined

"Bella, you're having morning sickness and strange rushes of emotions if that doesn't scream pregnant that I don't know what does" she said while scrapping the remains of her burnt eggs into the garbage.

_************************************************************************_

The doctor's office smelled of antibacterial soap. I took a seat beside a woman who was obviously very pregnant.

HOLY CROW

Was that what I was going to look like?

Before I had anytime to process the thought a medium sized women with a kind face and honey brown colored eyes came out of one of the back rooms.

"Isabella Swan" she questioned looking around the small doctor's office.

"Coming" I called, motioning for my mother to stay behind.

"I'll be fine" I whispered in my mother's direction. She nodded and started to flip through a magazine off the table in front of us.

Of course being me, I tripped over a ladies foot right into the arms of the kind face doctor.

"You alright sweetheart? "She questioned

"Yeah" I blushed

This woman really remind me of someone.

"Alright" she said while helping me up "Just go into that backroom and I will be in, in a minute" I nodded and stumbled off to the room she had point out. As I opened the door a shrive ran down my spin.

_Doctor's equipment…_

I never liked doctors, probably because I was going to them so often. The only doctor I have ever liked was…. _Carlisle._ I decided to take a seat up on the examine table. As I scrambled up onto the table the doctor came in.

"Good afternoon, Isabella" she said sweetly

"Bella" I whispered.

She smiled at me. That's when it hit me I knew who she reminded me of…. _Esme_, the unsuspecting grandma to my unborn child. My heart shattered. Esme had always felt like a second mother to me, partly because my mother had lived all the way back in Phoenix. But I love Esme and it hurt even more to try to forget her.

"Okay _Bella,_ how about you lay down and we will take a look at your baby" she said her attention occupied with getting the utensils ready.

I laid down, _Breathe Bella; everything is going to be fine_ I mentally chanted.

"Okay this is going to feel a little cold" she said as she approached me with a strange looking snake shaped device.

_In. Out. In. Out_ I screamed at myself. I felt her place the cold gel onto my stomach and then she gently pressed the deceive on top and started to move it around. That's when I heard it. A heart beat. It was little but it was there. And then I realized that I knew I would always miss them. There would always be a place missing in my heart that was left behind in Forks. But this little thing with the beating heart would fill that. It might not heal it, but it would numb the pain. I had something worth living for.

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9 MONTHS LATER

And there he was, in her face. My heart shattered into a million pieces. Her face, the color of her hair, everything was a reminder of everything I wanted, everything I needed. And then she opened her eyes and I saw myself in her. She had my brown eyes. That's when I realized there we where, there he was right in her. I missed him and having to look into her face everyday for the rest of my life would hurt. But I knew he would always be here with me, within her. My daughter.

"She's beautiful" I whispered.

"Oh Bella, I can't believe she finally here. She gorgeous." My mother cried. Phil stayed awkwardly crouched behind her.

"What are you going to name her?" he asked

"I think…. Emma" I beamed as hugged her closer to my heart. " Emma Alice Swan"

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**Didn't have a CLUE what to name her. I spent like my whole night looking up names. But I like the name Emma. Not my favorite name but my favorite name was already taken by Bella. LOL. Thank you to everyone that helped me out. **

_**Loulabelle, pusasluoma, chocolatebunnie-oxox(anonoumous), TopazandBlack4evababy, edwardcullenforever2010, nickie carc( ), HopelesslyTwilightAddicted, lacy( ), oceanlover14, eleni( ), ..oo. , LA TUA CANTANTE MS. CULLEN, gorgus818, MistyMelody. **_

**I will be posting in the next day or so. :) **

**Thank you everyone for reading**


	7. Drive my soul

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_**Four years later**_

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_Dear Bella,_

_Emma is so beautiful; I have the picture you sent me of her on my fridge at Jasper's place. I can't believe she is already four, it seems like yesterday when you wrote me the letter telling me that she had finally arrived._

_Bella please come up for my wedding. I haven't seen you in four excruciatingly long years, it's killing me. And I know you will just say "It's for the best, I can't ever come back" but Bella you need to come back. Just for a visit. I need my best friend here for my wedding. And don't worry Edward probably won't come, he's to busy with his 'job'. Bella I have put off telling you this, but he's never been the same after you left. He always puts on a mask, a hard, cold mask. I don't even really know who he is anymore. He's not Edward. He never visits or calls. The only time I see him is if he decided to come to Christmas or visit us during the summer. _

_I miss him Bella, I'm scared he will never be the Edward I once knew, the Edward you once knew._

_Forever yours,_

_Alice_

I sighed. How could Edward be doing this to Alice, to Esme, to ….. Me? I missed him terribly and it pained me to think that he was different, that he was cold hearted because of something I did to so many years ago. But I couldn't be my fault, why would my doing affect Edward? He didn't love me like I love him. He didn't care about me.

That's when I heard the banging of pots coming from the kitchen followed by a loud thud, followed by crying.

"Mamma" I heard my sobbing daughter call from the kitchen.

_What has she done now_? I thought. Emma was extremely curious and was constantly getting into everything. I quickly got up for the couch and walked into the kitchen to find Emma surrounded by cooking pots.

"Emmy, what did you get into now" I smiled. She had tears streaming down her cheeks. I still couldn't get over how beautiful she was. Every time I saw her it took my breathe away, she had Charlie's ringlets and Edward's bronze colored hair. She had my overly large brown eyes and Edward's heart shattering face.

"Mamma" she blubbered reaching her hands up at me. I scooped her up and kissed her forehead.

"What's happened sweetheart?" I questioned

"I was tryin' to make pretty music" she replied looking up at me through her wet eyelashes. "But I couldn't find the spoon stick to hit the pots" she said nestling her head into the crook of my neck.

"Who said you could use Mamma's cooking stuff to make music?" I asked, she looked up at me batting her eye lashes.

"I dunno.." she shrugged her tiny shoulders.

"Emma, Emma" I said while setting her onto her feet. I shook my head. She looked up to me with tear filled eyes and ran over and hugged my leg.

I laughed. "How about we find you that spoon"

She looked up at me as a smile slowly creped across her face.

"Okay!" she said while hugging my leg tighter "Mamma, you know what?" she asked

"What?" I questioned

She giggled "I wove you" she said in her adorable little lisp. "I wove you this much" she said stretching her little arms as far as they could go.

I laughed "That sure a lot!" she smiled at me and then we continued to look for her 'spoon stick'.

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After Emma had made her pretty music I began to cook dinner, chicken noodle soup, both Emma and my favorite. I was thankful that I finally had my own place. After two years of saving I finally had, had enough to purchase a small house right outside of Phoenix. Everyday I drove back to my mother's house though so that I could drop of Emma so I could go my university courses. English was my major. Thankfully Emma was going to be starting kindergarten in the fall.

I served the soup in to small bowls and set them on the table. The phone was ringing in the background

"Emma can you get that?" she love answering the phone these days. _The simple pleasure in life._ I thought.

I heard her trip as she got up and ran to answer the phone. Emma thankfully was less of a klutz then me. Probably because part of her gene pool was beautiful and graceful.

"Hellwo?" I heard her answer.

"She cookin' dinner" It was probably my mother.

"Okay" Emma came wondering into the kitchen from the living room where The Little Mermaid was playing for the thousandth time.

"Mamma the phones for you" she said while handing me the phone.

"Who is it, Emmy" I asked

"Um… someone named Auntie… Alice" she responded some what pre occupied with climbing up onto the kitchen chair.

_Alice_… my heart dropped. I had deliberately not given her my phone number knowing that hearing her voice would break my heart. That's why I had always communicated with her through letters.

"Alice?" I questioned quietly into the receiver.

"Isabella. Do you know what I had to go through to call you? I had to get your mothers number from your father, your number from your mother, _BUT_ of course she wasn't home when I called so I had to wait, called her and finally got it." She paused to breathe "It took up half my day"

"You shouldn't of wasted half a day on me" I murmured

"Oh, god same old Bella…" she mumbled under her breathe "Why wouldn't I, you're my best friend you're important to me." She sighed

"Alice why did you call?" I said a little too harshly

"Well did you get my letter?" she questioned with an obvious hint of hurt in her voice. Guilt rushed through me.

"Yes, I got it today" I replied

"So what do you think about coming up for my wedding, common Bella you have to, I miss you, my whole family misses you" She mumbled into the phone.

_Did that include Edward?_ I though. _NO Bella, who cares if he misses you? MOVE ON_. I shouted at myself. But no matter how many time I repeated that to myself I still had feelings for Edward, and I knew deep down inside that no matter what happened that he would be the on I would love till I would die.

"I don't know Alice, I have Emma, and school, I can't really pick up and leave for a week." Though I desperately wanted to see her. _NO. _If I did see her I would just make it ten times harder to forget.

"Bring Emma, I want to see her as would Charlie. Bella, I kept your secret, you owe me one" she mused. Same old Alice. Using Blackmail.

"I can't bring Emma, No, no, I cant" I responded a little to quickly.

"Please Bella, I begging you. You don't have to bring her just leave her at your mom's or something" she actually sounded desperate

"Maybe" I said through my teeth.

"Oh. I knew it!!! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you" she screamed into the phone

"I didn't say yes yet, I said _maybe_"

"But I have a feeling you will come" Oh Alice and her feelings.

"Alice…" I whispered not wanting my all to aware daughter to here his name." What if Edward happens to be there?" I questioned

"He won't, I barely ever see him, I doubt he is going to grace us with his presents" she sneered

"Is he really all bad?" I asked with sadness in my voice. How could this happened to the sweet, generous person I had fallen in love with? The person who would always put other before himself, the person that was …. Perfect.

He was always there for me and I was always there for him. Until, that … night had happened that resulted in creating one of the best things ….Emma.

The daughter who didn't have a clue what was going on. And doesn't know anything about the sacrifice I made for her to have a normal life. Away from all the stupid drama.

"He's not _Bad_. He just not Edward. He doesn't care anymore, he lost all will to live, he doesn't live a life anymore all he does is… exist. He works, sleeps, eats and fools around. After that night Bella he, he… retreated within himself. Almost scared to show anyone the caring and sweet Edward we all knew and love." she paused and sighed "Edward's body's here, his mind is here, but his soul is missing. It not here, it's with y-" she sighed once more "His soul is somewhere else" was she about to say his soul was with me? _NO_.

But how could Edward be doing this? I didn't understand and it broke my heart. Alice could sense that I didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"Okay, Bella my wedding is on July the 27th and I already sent you a ticket in the mail" It sounded like she was smiling.

"Why did you already send me a ticket?" I asked dumbfounded.

"Cause I knew you would say yes" she laughed. "Well I got to go, Jasper's home. Call me later" and then she hung up.

"Bye Alice" I said into the dead line.

_What the hell was I getting myself into?_ I screamed to myself.

My mind told me not to go, but I heart thought otherwise.

"Mamma, I'm all done" Emma said while holding up her empty soup bowl.

I looked at her with tears in my eyes " Alright" I whispered trying to hid the tears that were being to fall.

"Mamma?" Emma was too observant for her own good sometimes. "What's wrong" she questioned as tears began to form her eyes.

"Emma don't cry, Mamma is fine" she always reacted strangely when I had overwhelming emotions. I walked over to her and ran my fingers through her hair.

"Mamma" she said while reaching her hands up towards me. I scooped her up

"Don't cry baby, Mamma just misses…." But I couldn't finish, I knew that I would break down. And a mother had to be strong, they had to show there daughter that nothing affected them.

"I just miss some people, back in my old home" I continued.

"Your old home?" Emma questioned wiping the tears out of her eyes.

"Yes, I used to live somewhere else before you were born, but I left" I said with tears running down my face. Emma took her tiny hand and wiped them away. I smiled at her.

"Why did you leave?" she questioned. But I couldn't tell her why. I never wanted to know about her father or about Charlie or Alice.

"Because, I need to come and live with Grandma for a bit." I looked down at her.

She was gazing at me with awe in her eyes.

"Oh.." she said.

"How about you go and finish watching Little Mermaid" I said setting her on her feet.

"Alright" she said with a smile on her face and disappeared into the living room.

I quickly walk over to my room. Sat on my bed. And let everything I had been holding in come out.

I needed Edward; I needed him more than ever. I need that person that I would tell everything to. He was the one person I really trusted in this world the one person who really understood me.

I had to pull myself together. I couldn't let Emma see me like this. She was the one thing that gave me the will to live.

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**Thank you SOOOOO much to everyone that reviewed. They always make me smile :).**

**Sorry this took so long to update I was having a bit of writers block. I was wondering if you guys think I should do a chapter from Edward's point of view. PLEASE review and tell me if you think it's a good idea. **


	8. Pieces of my heart Edward POV

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_**EDWARD POV**_

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"Edward, you need to come up for your sisters wedding!" my mother screamed at me through the intercom on my phone.

"Mom, clam down" I said

"Don't uses that tone with me Edward Anthony Cullen" she responded using he strict tone.

"I'm sorry," I whispered "But, Mom I just don't…. think …. That I can make it" I replied slowly.

"Edward, I haven't seen you since last Christmas, you are my son. I don't care _what_ you have going on. I want you to get your butt back to Forks by July 27th for Alice's wedding" Esme sound flustered.

"Okay…. I will try" I responded

"Alright Edward" her voice cut into me.

"Look I have to go. I will talk to you later" I said as I quickly hung up the phone.

I looked around my large apartment to notice that it was raining outside. My face fell a little. I used to love the rain, I remember as a child I would run outside and play in it with Emmett, Alice and… Bella.

_Oh Bella…_

"Edward" came the most annoying voice ever.

"What Tanya!?" I sneered.

"Jesus Edward, you're so moody" the replied. Tanya could be my own personal hell… my girlfriend. Her voice annoyed the crap out of me.

"Tanya, leave me alone." I whispered as I stumbled off to our room. Why did life have to be so unfair.

Why did the bad things always happen to me? I threw my head back onto one of the big pillows on my king size bed.

I couldn't say that all the bad things happen to me in life though, I had a job, I had a girlfriend and I had a family that sincerely cared about me. I knew they would never forgive me for the way I had act after… that night. But I knew that deep down inside of all of them they still loved me. And that gave me the slightest bit of hope that I would one day see the light in this never ending black hole, which I called my life.

There smiles still brought me joy and my heart urged me to see them, but I couldn't, they reminded me to much of… her. The one who left me when I needed her the most. The only person in the world that truly understood me. And the one person who I knew would never be in my live again. Bella. But I couldn't go back to Forks, to my home, where it reminds me so much of her. And where I knew she would never be again.

Sometimes it felt that if I were to wish hard enough she would come back. But it was just a stupid fantasy. I didn't know where she was. Only Alice knew, and no matter how much I begged, she never spoke of Bella to me. So here I would stay in Chicago with a life I had never planned on living. A sad, lonely, dark life.

"Edward!" I heard Tanya call from down the hall. "Where the hell are you?"

"I'm in the bedroom!" I yelled, I shut my eyes hoping that it would also shut out her voice. I felt her weight on the bed as she crawled up to where I was lying.

"Edward, why are you so distanced?" she questioned.

I never told the story of what had brought me the Chicago. No one knew exactly why, and for some reason I couldn't even admit the truth of the situation to myself. And I promise myself that I never would.

"No reason" I said opening my eyes to look directly into her's. Tanya knew that she was beautiful. And I knew that it was shallow of me to admit, but that was the only reason why I was with her. No girl that showed extreme interest in me had a beautiful personality. They were all superficial and usually had similar looks, blonde, blue eyes and tall and slender. Not that they weren't my type. But I just couldn't be myself around them. The person they knew was the Edward everyone knew these days football player, loves himself, jerk, arrogant. But no one knew the Edward I kept inside the sweet, caring, loving, generous person. I had changed, Bella had changed me, she left me dead and broken with no reason to live, but I had to pull through for my family, so that they wouldn't worry. But now they were more worried then ever. I had lost the Edward I once was, and I knew that he was never coming back. That was the only Edward, my mother, father and brother and sister knew, and now that, that Edward had gone missing indefinitely they didn't know me anymore. I didn't even know myself.

Tanya pressed her lip against my cheek. "Whatever" I heard her mumbled under her breathe "Edward, I love you" she whispered into my ear.

I knew the truth in my heart, the truth about the person I really loved. "I love you too" I whispered.

After Bella had left I had been a mess. Tanya was there, she tried to help but of course I had been nothing but mean to her. But she didn't care she still helped , I appreciated her but I don't love her. I could never love anyone again.

Tanya pressed her lips against mine kissing with increase intensity her hands moved over my chest slowly taking off my shirt.

I didn't protest, I like Tanya, I thought she was pretty and she was my girlfriend, but why was it that every time I got …. 'close' with her I didn't feel right, and my mind would scream at me. _This is wrong_. As it was right now.

And as usual I repressed the feeling of wanting only one person, the one person who made me feel whole, the one person who gave me will to live. But I had to move on I had spent too many years waiting for Bella to come home. And I knew she was never coming back. Tanya was the right choice and she would make me happy, even if it was the happiest I knew I could be. But she made life bearable, she was my morphine, she numbed the constant pain even though I could still feel a dull throb.

I knew that I would have to live with the pain everyday for the rest of life, the pain of knowing what could have been, what should have been and what would never happen.

I kissed Tanya back this time. I had made up my mind even though she wasn't the one for me she was the one that I wanted to live the rest of my life with if I couldn't have the one person I wanted. The one person I loved, the one person who would always be number one in my heart. Bella.

I pulled Tanya off of me.

"Tanya…" I said out of breathe

"Yes" she replied looking me directly in the eyes

"Will you marry me?" I felt my heart drop. _This isn't right Edward_. I heard my mind scream.

Her eyes grew in surprise.

"Oh, my god. _YES!!_" she screamed.

_**************************************************************_

I lay there in bed that night looking up at the ceiling. What was I doing, how could I be doing this? I knew I some what… loved Tanya, even though she annoyed the crap out of me. But she was a constant in my life; she was something that kept me together.

I knew the darkness in my life would never ever fade. I loved Bella; I loved her with all my heart. But that didn't matter now.

I looked over to my sleeping, _fiancé._ She was sleeping soundlessly beside me totally unaware of the war that was going on inside my head.

I needed to know why Bella had left. I needed to know why I felt they way I did about her. I needed her more than ever. My life _seemed_ to be complete but why did I feel so empty and alone? Why was the only face that I wanted to see right now Bella's? I needed to see her and talk to her, she was the only person that truly understood me. I felt a tear slowly run down my face as I remember that night, the night she left, the night she destroyed me.

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**Well there's Edward's POV. It made me so sad while writing it . LOL.**

**But I tried my best to sum up what was going on in his life while Bella has been gone. And just incase you guys forgot Tanya (his girlfriends/ fiancé ) was the girl who constantly hurt Bella's feelings in high school.**

**Scandal? I think so.**

**Yeah and also Bella and Edward are also both around the ages 21 and 22.**

**Anyways will be posting soon. Just went back to school from Christmas break and exams are coming up but I will try my hardest to post as much as I can.**

**-Lauren**


	9. Soundtrack of my summer

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BELLA POV

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"Mamma?" I heard Emma stumble into my room, I glanced over to the clock. 4:30am, I groaned. I looked up to see her stumble in the doorway.

"What's wrong baby?" I questioned, I sat up in my bed and flick on the light beside my bed. She was wearing her froggie pajamas, clutching her tattered teddy bear close to her chest with tears streaming down her face.

"Mamma" she blubbered again. I stood up and walked over to her and scooped her up in my arms.

"Baby, tell me what's wrong?" She looked so little and pure of hearted that it pained me so much to she her cry.

"I had a bad dream." She whispered into my ear. "Can I sleep with you?" she asked batting her eyelashes.

"Of course" I replied setting her down in the spot beside mine in my bed. She looked up into my eyes. I notice that hers were puffy around the edge, like she has been crying for a while.

"What was your dream about?" I asked. Looking directly into him .

"Um… nothing…" She said while looking down. This confused me, usually she told me every dream she had, splendid or scary. I was the one she talked to about it.  
"Emma," I gave her my 'look'. She raised her eyes and when they reached mine they where full of tears, again.

Before I could ask her again what was wrong she wrapped her little arms around me with her tears staining my night shirt.

"He…… Mamma….see…. leave…" Her words were coming out in jumbles as she cried into my chest.

"Shhh" I soothed "Everything is okay now, it was just a dream. I'm here" I stroked back her long radiant hair. I just held her close to me, thinking through her my daughter, I was also hold Edward close to me, close to my heart.

Her breathing started to slow, and when I pulled her away from my chest her eyes were closed and a soft snore was filling the room around me. I smiled down at her, admiring my daughter's beauty. I laid her beside me. Turned off the and quickly fell into a deep slumber.

And there he was, in my dream, my angel. His beauty glowed making him looks like he truly was angel out of the highest heaven. He smiled at me.

"Bella" he breathed, just him saying my name sent my heart a flutter.

"Edward" I cried falling into her strong arms.

"She needs to know" Edward said as he lent down and placed a kiss upon my forehead.

"It hurts too much to let her know what I left behind" I cried into him.

"I know, love, I know. But try, for me" and then he was gone my dream had become an empty nothing. Darkness surrounded me as the light he carried with him slowly faded into the distance.

And then the dream ended, and I came back to the hard, cold world.

I sat straight up in bed, looking around my small room. Then I heard someone stir beside me, I looked down at my sleeping daughter. In this I found comfort, I would always have her no matter what, and she would always love me. She was my constant and I knew deep down that she would love me even if I never did tell her about her, father. I was for the best that she would never know, that he would never know. I didn't want to him to feel obligated to help me take care of her and I didn't want Emma to get attached to him. I knew that he never loved me the way I loved him. He never had the desperate need to just see me, he had probably forgotten all about me by now. Which is what I had wanted to happen, but why did it hurt so much to think that I wasn't even in his thoughts?

I glanced over to the clock, 7:00. I groaned a rolled myself out of bed careful not to make to much movement. I quietly tiptoed to my clothes and threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I groaned again, _Monday_.

God I hated Monday's. Just as I walked out of my bedroom Emma awoke.

"Mamma?" she questioned

"Mornin' Emmy" I said as I took a seat on the end of my small double bed. She pulled the covers over her head adorably .

"I don't wanna go" her little voice came from underneath the heavy covers I laughed.

"You don't want to go to Grandma's?" I mimicked a shocked tone.

"Noooooo, I wanna stay home with you" I heard her replied faintly. I smiled.

"Silly girl, I'm not going to be home I am going to school" I laughed.

"Oh" she said softly.

"Common time to get up" I said as I bent down and started to tickle her through the blankets. Her soft giggles chased the darkness within my heart away and filled it with light.

_***********************************************************************_

I buckled Emma's car seat in as she sat contently sipping on apple juice. The drive to my mother's house was a little over half an hour long which gave Emma enough time to eat, play and then sleep. It was the morning routine. But this morning was different. I had to make a special stop to the …. Post office, to pick up the…. Ticket Alice had sent me. _This is wrong_; my mind screamed at me, but for once I listened to my heart and it told me that this was something I had to do for myself to give me closure.

I fumbled into the car and revered then engine. Emma was in the back singing a song she had made up while I repeated to my self over and over again that this was the right thing to do, to never let Emma know of… him, to go to Alice's wedding without her and to live a live without any of them. I didn't know if I would be able to pull through but I need to, for Emma, for everyone around me.

The ride to the post office took around fifteen minute but finally I made it. I left the car running and ran inside. It was raining outside, which was really unusual for Phoenix. The smell of the damp earth broke me heart, I remembered that smell it was like a perfume to me, I loved and missed it terribly I remember as a child how Alice, Emmett … Edward and I would play in it. I heart broken for the billionth time which made me feel as if there was a whole in my chest ripping again my body pulling me in.

I fumbled with my keys as I stuck it into the lock and opened my mailbox. Inside was a letter with Alice elegant writing on it.

_Bella,_

_So here are the ticket for you to come to Forks, I miss you and I need you to be there with my as I walk down the isle. It wont feel complete unless your there. Please come Bella I am begging you. Esme misses your terribly along with Carlisle and everyone in my family, everyone. We all want you to come, so please for me._

_Your best friend in the whole world, _

_Alice._

I folded there letter back into the envelope and took out the ticket, but of course, being me I dropped it onto the floor and the contents spilled everywhere. I blushed deep red, and started to pick up the papers scattered everywhere. When I noticed I didn't only have one ticket I had two.

"Óh, Alice" I whispered to myself. Of course being Alice she knew that I would try to find anyway not to bring Emma along with me, but also she knew that I would cave. But she didn't know the new Bella, I was a stronger, more determined Bella, that put her daughters well being before her own.

I quickly ran back out into the rain and into my car. Emma was asleep in her car seat which gave me time to myself. I slowly drove to my mothers house as I let the hole inside my chest rip me apart.

"Mom, where here!" I yelled struggling to open the front drove with my sleep daughter in my arms.

"Bella!?" she questioned. She appeared into the living room in a bathrobe and slippers.

"A little help" I wheezed. She quickly came over to me and relieved me of Emma's weight. I plopped down on the couch as I watch my mother slip into the darkness down her hallway.

"I put Emma in your old bed" she whispered.

"Thanks" I looked around " Where's Phil" I questioned, usually whenever I came in the morning he was there either reading the paper or drinking coffee but today he was no where to be seen.

I mother beamed. "Jacksonville asked for Phil again!" she practically screamed. Last time my mother and Phil went to Jacksonville to pursue his baseball dream the just winded up right back in Phoenix.

"You think it's actually going to work this time, I mean him getting into the big league?" I questioned with a hint of sarcasm in my voice.

Renee frowned at me. "Yes" she paused. "I believe there's a pretty good chance, he been really practicing, and, and…" she trailed off. I had obviously burst her bubble.

"Sorry" I whispered under my breathe. A smile slowly crept across her face and she turn back into a babbling brook.

" Anyways" she continued "Phil is at the airport trying to get us so tickets for a plane tomorrow, where going to go and check out houses" she beamed my mother always loved adventure while I would rather just stay at home.

Then the realization struck me today was Monday, and I had to leave for Alice's wedding on… Friday.

"Mom, when are you planning on coming back home, to like Phoenix" I questioned with worry thick in my voice.

"Um," she bit her lower lip " I think next week some time we want to make a mini vacation out of it, you know alone with" she wiggled her eyebrows. _Gross_. I thought.

My stomach was tied in knots, _She's… not going… to be… home._ My mind stuttered.

Shit.

Which meant, I had to bring… Emma.

Crap.

_Could my live get any worse?_

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**Sorry that took so long to post. I didn't mean to keep you waiting for a week. Just or occupation that take up my time. :) **

**Thank you to EVERYONE that read and reviewed my story all of you comments make me smile. I know, I know that Edward's POV was rather, WTF-ish cause of the whole 'Tanya' ordeal. But let me just say I needed to spice up the story a bit give some twists.**

**Thank you to everyone.**

**OMGOMG btw, k I started to read this new series called the house of night. Marked, Betrayed, Chosen and Untamed. It's AMAzING. I started reading in the begining of January and I am already on the fourth book.**

**You guys should check it out. It kinda weird but once you get by that it is actually a good book.**


	10. Don't tell me

_**This chapter is kind of a filler chapter.  
Im sorry if you find it boring the next one is better, FOR SURE.**_

_**This chapter is imporant though. :)**_

* * *

"Emma, common were going to miss the plane!" I yelled from the kitchen. It was Friday the day I had dreaded since I felt Forks. The one place I never thought of going back to, I tried repeatedly to put the past in the past and look forward to the future but my thoughts always came back to the things that would always cause me so much pain to think about.

"I can't find teddy!!" she cried from her room. I dropped my suitcase and quickly walked to Emma's room. There she was sitting on her small bed surrounded by stuffed animals, crying.

"Emmy" I sighed. She looked up at me.

"I think he's mad at me" she pouted her big brown eyes pouring into mine. I suppressed a laugh. _Kids and there imaginative minds_. I thought to myself.

"I'm sure he's not _mad _at you, he's just hiding somewhere." I walked over to her bed and took her hand in mine.

"Common" I whispered "Let's find him" I said while I pulled her off her bed.

"'Kay" she sniffed.

I put a smile on my face, trying to hide the indecision going on within me.

*********************************************************************

"Mamma" she breathed looking out the plane's window. "Are you sure were not going to go into outer space" she looked over to me with worry, a proment expression in her eyes.

"Emmy, were not going to go into outer space" I smiled even though my stomach was tied in massive knot. I was going back to my…. Home. The place where I had lefted and never wanted to go back to. But nothing ever works out the way you want… I guess.

Emma was gazing at me when the seat belt sign flashed on over head.

"Kay baby put on you seat belt" I said as I buckled mine into place.

"Mammmmmmmaaaa" Emma whined.

"Close you eyes, it will be over soon" I whispered into her ear. The turbulence stared and Emma squeezed my hand with all her might. I squeezed back. I hated planes.

_******************************************************** **_

"_This is your pilot speaking, we have reached are destination, please stay seated and have a good day!" _Came the cheerful voice of the pilot from the speakers. The occasion was anything but cheerful. My insides felt as if they had been tied in to knots repeatedly, but of course my outside showed nothing, I was good at hiding my emotions.

"Mamma, look!" Emma jumped in her seat as we rolled are way down the runway. She pointed out the window to the damp cold earth I once called home.  
"It pretty" she stated. I smiled to her.

"Yes it is".

_I don't want to do this_. I screamed at myself. What the hell and I getting myself into. In my gut I had a feeling that this wasn't going to turn out how I wanted. But I had to remind myself. Edward isn't going to be there. The only people who are actually going see Emma is Charlie and Alice, that's it. I am going to go to Alice's wedding and then head back to the life I was planning to live in Phoenix. Even though that life was the life I had never had in mind for me when I was a little girl dreaming about my kids and the day I would walk down the ale. I knew that most of those dreams would never come true. I would never fall hopelessly in love when my heart had already been stolen away. I had Emma. I didn't need love. I didn't need to have a, love story. I had a daughter and a mother and hopefully a father that loved me.

"_We have officially reached are destination. Port Angles. Thank you for riding with us. Hope to you all again."_ Came the stewardess voice over the intercom.

"Alright Emmy this is are cue. Lets get are stuff and go find Grandpa" I said while unfastening her seat beat and taking her hand in mind. We walked slowly out of the plane following the line of people exiting. Finally we were off the cramped plane and in the state I never though in hell that I was going back to.

"Mamma do you think Grandpa will like me?" she questioned with worry thick in her voice.

I looked down at her to see her biting her lip, a habit she had inquired from me.

"He will love you" I said slowly. She smiled as we continued to make are way through the crowed airport to retrieve are bags.

We waited as they came around on the conveyer belt. We picked them up and ran to the area were we would meet… Charlie.

Emma pushed open the doors and there he was. My dad. His face slightly more worn then the last time I had see him but his eyes still crinkled into that familiar smile I knew to well. Thankfully my mother had told him everything down to the last detail about Emma and my situation. I rarely talked to Charlie on the phone but constantly communicated with him through letters. Knowing that hearing his voice would hurt a little too much.

"Dad" I breathed.

He smiled "Bella!" And practically ran over to me and in gulfed me in his arms. I beamed. Taking in his familiar smell which made me feel like I was home again even after all these years.

"I missed you" I said as I let one single tear spill over the brim of my eye. My heart ache as I imagined what I would have been like if I hadn't of left, if I had stayed and told Edward about Emma if Charlie had hugged me like this everyday; would I have turned out to be a different adult?

_No Bella, don't go there._ I had to never let my brain wander over the possibilities of what could been. That was in the past I had made decisions back then that I could never take back, I just had to live with them know.

"I missed you too, Bells" A smiled creped across my face remembering all the times he used that silly little nickname to cheer me up. I felt Emma tug impatiently on my hand. I looked down and smiled.

"Dad, this is Emma" the usually loud little girl I had witness grow suddenly fell quiet.

I scooped her up in my arms.

"Emmy, its okay, he my daddy, your grandpa, he wont hurt you, he loves you." I whispered into her ear.

"You _sure_ he's going to like me" she whispered back into my ear, her voice to quiet for Charlie to hear.

"Positive" I said as I set her down again.

Charlie had a big grin slapped onto his face as he looked at me and then to Emma.

He knelt down onto one knee and took her hand into his. Emma smiled back at him with cautious eyes.

"Hello there Emma I have heard a lot about you" he said in a voice thick with love.

"You have?" she questioned.

"Yup." He replied matter a factly. He took her hand and his and we walked out of the crowded airport and into Charlie's police cruisers. Joy.

Charlie had gone out of his way and bought Emma a car seat which sat in the back of the cruisers as if she were a criminal. I quickly buckled Emma in as she drifted off the sleep.

The weather put a damper on my mood as the darkness of the overcastted clouds felt as if they hung around my head and weighted about a million pounds. I quickly hurried into the passenger seat and relaxed back against the leather car seat and closed my eyes. I felt Charlie's weight enter the car and my eye's flew open just in time to see him staring at me.

"Hey," I whispered my voice coarse. I cleared it away.

"How are you Bella?" he questioned are he started to accelerate out of the parking lot and onto the highway.

"I'm fine" I paused. _Am I actually fine?_. "How are you?"

His eyes turned back to the road.

"I'm pretty good, you know just a little lonely, I miss you, the food isn't as good anymore. I starve" he smiled and glanced back in my direction.

I laughed quietly. "I'm sure your not starving, you look pretty well feed to me" I said motioning with my hands down to his little pot belly. He chuckled a little.

"Billy. Always inviting me down for dinner" he paused.

"I remember him, you guys always went fishing right? And then there was Jacob and Rebecca and Rachel? His kids?" I went running through the memories of times Charlie had dragged me down to the La push reservation and I would hanging out with Jacob because his sister were away a collage. Jacob had always been a good friend. He was a nice guy.

"Yup, I'm surprised you remember them" he took in a breathe and went on "Anyways, I always go down there, Billy and I watch the baseball games together. You should come and visit maybe if you have some free time after Alice's wedding. Jacob still remembers you. He asks me about you some times." He gushed.

"Yeah, Jacob was a nice guy, how old is he now?" I said as I fixed my gaze out the window and let everything outside blur into one large green image.

"Um, I think he just turn 20, so a year younger then you." He said with something in his voice I didn't quite understand.

"Hmm." I whispered to myself and let my thoughts swirl around me as we continued back to home I had want to forget, just one of the door's from my past that I would have to open to lead me to my future.

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**Sorry that took so long, but I had to write to chapters before I posted this one because I personally found this one a little boring. The next few are going to be filled with scandal and excitement. I will be posting the next chapter in a few minutes. I just need to finish reading it over. Its REALLY long :) **

**Please read and review and tell me anything you think should happen in the story.**


	11. The fire of a thousand flames

I opened the door of my old room taking in the smell of it, it was seemingly untouched, and made me feel as if I were seventeen again. I held Emma in my arms, sleeping, as I stood there trying to not let myself cry. It hit me like a rock how much I had missed Forks and everyone in it. I thought that I had mostly moved on, but like always, I was wrong. _Dead wrong_. I walked over to my old bed that didn't look like it would even fit me and Emma both, but I knew that I would have to squeeze. I laid Emma down and sat quietly down beside her. Too many memories had been created in this room. Before I could wallow anymore my eyelids started to fall and I stumbled into innocuousness.

And then like always, there he was waiting for me in my dreams, looking as glorious as ever. In my dream he was radiating light, his gazed was fixed on something in his hands but when he heard me walking over he eyes jumped up to mine igniting a fire within me. His emerald coloured eyes poured into mine like and ocean.

"Bella," he whispered

"Edward," I called back.

"You.. broke…." He trailed off, sadness touched his eyes and my heart shattered in ways I never thought possible. I touched his cheek and wiped his tear away.

"I broke what?" I pondered.

"Everything" he whispered in my ear, and then I was alone. Wandering around my dream looking for him, calling his name, until I wandered back into consciousness. My eyes fluttered open and I woke to my cold dark, childlike room. The day was overcast from what I could see out my window. I glanced over at my clock 7:30. Ugh. I rolled out of bed and placed my feet on the cold hardwood floor. The house was quiet except for the shallow breaths coming from Emma who was sounded asleep in the place beside me in my bed. I tiptoed out of my room and creaked down the old wooden steps that lead to the kitchen. Charlie had already left. But there was a note from him beside the coffee pot, I picked it up and read it silently to myself.

_Bella,_

_I have gone down to the station, not for the whole day but just to talk to the guys for awhile. I will be home later in the afternoon. I'm sorry I couldn't spend the day with you and Emma. And I know that tomorrow you have Alice's wedding, but maybe I don't know after that we could spend some time together. As a family, you, me and Emma._

_Love, _

_Charlie._

_P.S – I am kind of low on food, if you want anything you know where the grocery store is you old truck is still working._

I sighed and set down the letter on the kitchen counter. I walked over to the table and placed my head in my hands. _Why?_. Being here felt so wrong, yet so right. My emotions where really starting to confuse me.

"Maammmaaa" I heard Emma cry room upstairs. I raised my head and stocked up to my room. The light that was pouring in the window provided enough light just to see her shape moving around in the bed.

"It's alright Emma." I said as I sat down on the corner of the bed and she crawled into my arms.

"Were at Grandpa's right?" she said while touching my face as if to feel if it was actually me sitting about her.

"Yes we are" I paused "Emmy we need to go and see some people today. Okay".

"Okay." She said excitedly jumping out of my arms. Emma loved meeting new people.

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We stocked out into the damped Forks morning the weather, which had once made me feel depressed, today made me feel jittery. I was going to see my best friend. The only friend I had told about Emma. The only one person I knew could keep the secret from Edward, her brother.

My dad had left the keys for my truck beside the letter he had written me. The last time I had been within my ancient truck had been when I had… delivered the letter to Alice. I creaked open the door as it made a loud rusted noise. Emma cupped her hand over her ears.

"Crawl in" I told her. She jumped in the drivers seat and slid over to the passengers side. I knew that I wasn't the safest but I would make due until we got to Alice's. I had called her early this morning and had gotten instructions on where to go. It turned out that she didn't live far from where the … rest of her family lived.

"Okay so Emmy do you know who your going to meet today?" I questioned as I pulled out of my driveway. The rain making a rhythm as it hit my wind shield.

"Um…Auntie Alice?" she said looking up at me.

"Yup" I replied keeping my eyes fixed on the road. I heard Emma inhaled as if she was about to say something but then stop and turned her head to look out the window.

"What is it?" I as gazing over at her.

"Well, um you said grandpa was your daddy right?" she asked. I could tell that there was more behind the question she was asking.

"Yes" I replied.

"What's a Daddy?" Crap. Crap. _Crap._ I had never wanted to have this conversation with her. I never want to know what a 'Daddy' was, even though I knew she would find out someday I wanted to keep it a secret as long as possible; just like keeping the secret from her that Santa wasn't really.

"Um… well…. Umm… To make a baby… you have to have a Mamma and a Daddy." I stuttered

"So that how you were made, by Grandpa and Grandma? Their your Mamma and Daddy?" she asked, I could see her from the corner of my eye gazing at me.

"Ye-e-s-s" I choked.

"Do I have a Daddy?" I sucked in a deep breath and steady my gaze to look directly out the window.

"Yes-s" I whispered.

"Where is he?" There was along pause before I could get my voice under control

"Living somewhere else."

"Will I ever meet him?" she asked her voice a little shaky.

"I don't think so"

"Why?" she pleaded.

"Because" I replied

"Why Mamma?" she whined

"Because I _said _so" I said in a sharp tone. I had never used that tone with Emma before. I shocked her as much as I shocked myself. I saw the hurt well up in her eyes and spill over.

"Emmy" I sighed. We had made it to Alice's mansion of a house; it stood out of the forest like a soldier.

"Don't cry baby, this is nothing for you to worry about everything will work out you'll see" I said as I wiped away her tears.

"Now common I want you to meet someone" I said scooping her and exited my rusted truck.

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The driveway was long and wet. Emma and I walked hand in hand up to the front door. My stomach felt as if there were about a million butterflies within it. I looked down at Emma. Her eyes were on her feet obviously still upset about the conversation we had, had. We walked up onto the porch. And I knocked my hand against the big wooden door.

I looked down to see Emma looking up at me with her huge brown eyes. Her expression worried.

"What's wrong?" I asked while straining my ears to try to hear for noising that where coming from within Alice's house.

"Do you think Aunty Alice…… will like me?" I had never seen Emma so insecure. She was always my brave little girl not caring really what anyone thought of her. But that was at home and this place was defiantly not our home.

"Of course she will she will love you" I said quiet as I heard someone coming to greet us at the door. The door open and there stood a beautiful man. He was tall with dirty blond hair and green coloured eyes.

"Hello there, you must be Bella and Emma" he said while giving us a once over with his eyes. "I'm Jasper, Alice fiancé" from what I could hear he had a faint southern accent. Alice always knew how to pick the good ones.

"Nice to meet you" I said while extending my hand to shake his. "And as you already know this is my daughter, Emma" I felt Emma grab onto my pant leg.

Jasper knelt down on one knee to look her directly in the eyes. "Hello, it's very nice to finally meet you Emma." He said in a sweet tone. _He would make a great father one day_. I thought quietly to myself.

"It's nice to meet you too" she whispered back.

"Bella!" I heard a familiar voice squeaked from inside the house. My eye's shot up in excitement.

"Alice!" I nearly screamed, surprised by how much the sound of her voice made me like I was seventeen again.

She nearly knocked Jasper out of the way and engulfed me in her tiny arms.

"Oh Bella, look at you" she said will looking me over. "Your beautiful!" she squealed

"Hardly," I whispered back. Alice released me from her grip and immediately went to Emma who was practically hiding behind my.

"Hi, Emma. I'm Aunt Alice, remember I talked to you on the phone once" she mused.

"Yes, I w'remember" she said in an adorable lisp.

"Well come on in guys it raining outside" Jasper said while pulling his fiancé in by the arm. I followed behind them with Emma slowly entering behind me. I took off my coat and Emma's and handed them to Jasper's waiting arms.

"Thank you" I murmured.

"Common guys," I heard Alice call from what seemed like the living room. I took Emma's hand in mine and followed Jasper down the long hallway. Their house was amazing it looked like it had come directly out of a magazine. Jasper lead us into a room about the size of my house back in Phoenix.

"Mamma, it's so big" Emma gawked.

"I know, isn't it pretty" I asked. She nodded.

Alice sat on the couch surrounded by many decorative pillows. She waved me over. I sat down beside her and put Emma on my lap.

I seemed as if Alice couldn't take her eyes off of Emma. She cleared her throat. And smiled. "Emma," she paused and I felt eyes take her gaze of her surrounding and focus onto Alice. "You want to play with some toys" Alice said while holding out a doll. Emma nodded.

"Thanks" she said quietly. Emma took the doll and went to sit beside me. Playing with the dolls long beautiful blonde hair.

"Alice, you really shouldn't of gotten her that" I murmured.

"Bella, I have to make up for the four Christmas' I missed." She grinned.

There was a paused of silence.

"Um, so Bella, your coming to my wedding tomorrow, right?" she asked looking at me with eyes that looked like a kid on Christmas morning.

"Yes" I raised an eyebrow. "Why, are you asking me like that with that look in your eyes?" I stomach started to have a nervous feeling in it.

"Because…." Her smile look like it was made out of a thousand watts. "I want you to be my maid of honour!" she screamed.

"M-maid of h-h-honour" I stuttered "But you wedding is t-t-tomorrow."

Alice beamed. "I already have a dress for you, and everything. Common Bella, please"

"How do you know my size?" I asked dumbfounded.

"I guessed" she said grabbing my hand "Come I'll show you." She stood up and yanked me up off the couch.

"Emma, you want to see a pretty dress" Alice cooed.

Emma looked up for running her tiny fingers through her new dolls radiant hair.

"Okay" She replied grabbing on to her doll's hand and following Alice and I up her long spiral stair case. Alice's house was magnificent. This was the exact house Alice had dreamed for herself. She was like big extravagant things, which I except her wedding would probably be tomorrow. Emma and I followed her into a huge room which must have been her bedroom. The bed sat in the middle of the room with a canopy that cascaded down the bed posts like and ocean. Alice ran to a set of doors that opened up into a closet that looked to be the size of my bedroom. She grabbed a outfit that was wrapped in a dry cleaners bag and threw it onto the bed.

"Sit" she instructed. I took Emma by the hand a sat on Alice's king size bed.

Alice unwrapped the breathtakingly beautiful dress. The gown was a deep blue and strap less.

"Oh my God, Alice this is beautiful." I said while running my fingers over the soft silk.

"Try it on" she urged. She handed me the dress and pointed my to her washroom. I walked in her massive bathroom and slipped off my clothes and put on the beautiful blue dress. I looked at myself in Alice's mirror and saw a familiar stranger. I had never worn a dress so amazingly gorgeous. I placed my hand on the door knob and quietly turned it. As I opened it the sounds of Alice's and Emma's giggles swirled around my head. It made my heart melt to hear them getting along the way they were. I walked out to hear there laughter stop abruptly. I felt my face getting warm as the blood rushed to it.

"How do I look?" I whispered.

There was silence.

"Mamma, you look pwretty" Emma murmured.

"Bella, your gorgeous." Alice said while standing up from the bed and took my hand.

She lead me over to a mirror.

"I don't know why you ever thought you weren't good enough for him." she whispered into my ear.

My stomach knotted._ Edward_. How could Alice say that, I didn't deserve him, I would never deserve him. And he would never love with the intensity of a thousand flames.

I tried to smile and not let the tears I was holding back spill down my face.

*******************************************************************  
I looked at Emma who lay on Alice's bed fast asleep.

"You know, she looks a lot like him" Alice whispered.

"I know," I said tearing my eyes away from my sleeping daughter.

"You miss him don't you." Alice murmured touching my hand..

I looked down to my feet, I had never talked about how much I missed him with anyone. I had always kept that kind of information to myself and would quietly wallow in the longing to touch, to feel him near me, like I had so long ago..

"Yeah," I whispered. I looked up to see sadness fill Alice's eyes. But she quickly put back on her happy façade. Before she could say anything else I interrupted her.

"Look I got to go, I need to pick up some things for dinner" I arose from the bed and scooped Emma into my arms.

"Okay," she paused. "I will see you tomorrow, meet me at my parents house at um 12am, okay?" she said while putting away my soon to be maid of honour dress.

"Alright," I replied quickly "See you tomorrow" I said quietly and slip out Alice's bedroom door.

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The car ride was quiet. I glanced at the time on the dash board of my ancient truck. 10:00. Too late to make dinner but I had to pick up a few things. I drove down the street and pulled into the local 24 hour grocery store. There were few cars in the parking lot. I unbuckled my seat belt.

"Mamma?" Emma questioned out of her fog of sleep.

"It's okay Emmy, just go back to sleep I just need to pick up a few things" I whispered failing in my attempts to sooth her.

"No, I want to come" she replied a little more aware. I glanced around the deserted parking lot.

"Fine." I said taking her hand and pulling her out of the cab of my Chevy. The weather outside lucky wasn't rainy. But the dampness of the air seemed to consume my lungs.

The grocery store was quiet except for the few people who scurried around as if they were on a mission.

"What do you want for breakfast tomorrow?" I asked Emma as we approached the cereal ale.

"Um something yummy" she replied in a serious tone.

I laughed. "Alright." We walked down the ale looking at different boxes when I heard a voice. Even though it sounded strained and angry it still sounded beautiful. Like it came directly out of a dream. I stopped in my tracks not sure what I should do. Emma noticed my abrupt movements.

And that when I saw him, looking even better than what my dreams had portrayed. From what I could see he was about to turn into my isle.

"Tanya" I heard him growl. Tanya, as in the Tanya who had hated me, as in the Tanya who had made my life miserable?

"Edward just get me my special shit I eat in the morning and then lets go-oo" I heard her whine. I grabbed Emma's hand harder and started to quickly walked down the isle in the different direction from which he had came.

"Mamma wh-" But I cut her off.

"Shh" I whispered.

I allowed myself to look back once before I left the isle. And my eyes met his. His beautiful emerald colour eyes burned into mine.

"Bella?" I heard him quietly whispered underneath his breath. I tore my gaze away from him and looked down at Emma and then ran out of the grocery store.

"Mamma" she whined. I just pulled her along harder. I needed to get out away from here before he, or anyone in his family other than Alice could find out about Emma.

But I couldn't leave, I had to stay, for Alice. I owed her so much.

I need to stay here and face him, the one I love, the one who I would love probably forever.

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Edward, Edward. LOL.**

**Well anyways I will probably be posting next weekend cause I have exams all this week :S. First time I have ever done them :(.  
Well I hope that feeds the fire for right now until I get more inspiration.**

**PLEASE read and review **


	12. When I'm With You

* * *

There I lay, quietly sobbing just like I had 4 years ago. I cried over him, over how much I loved him and how much I knew he would never love me. I lay there and thought to myself.

_Why me?_ Why was I the one that had to fall head over heels in love with a guy who was obviously never interested in me like that. I guy who had obviously found some sort of

connection with Tanya.

_Why Tanya?_ The one person Edward knew I hated, the person that caused me to go over there on that cherished night. The last night I have ever had a conversation with Edward, the

last night of my existence.

My tears seemingly had no intent of stopping anytime soon. They followed down my cheeks in a continues rhythm.

Emma lay asleep in my childlike bed beside me. I prayed that she was actually sleeping and couldn't hear me falling apart before her. I prayed that the crying would stop, I prayed that

he couldn't hurt me anymore but most of all I prayed that I wouldn't have to love him anymore.

But it was a waste of time and I knew it. No matter how many times I wanted to make myself not love him anymore it never worked, it was hopeless. I was hopeless. The night seemed

to pass in a blur of tears until sleep finally found me. For which I was thankful.

But my dreams gave me no relief from the pain. My dreams were a dark abyss of emptiness. There was nothing, I was utterly alone. I wandered, and wandered until consciousness

found me. My eyes sprang open and light filled them. _Light?_ In Fork, Washington, the rainiest town in all of America. I placed me feet onto the cold wooden floor and quietly walked over

to the window to see if my assumption had been correct. I pushed back the blinds. The sun hit the trees outside my window cast a green glow onto my front yard. The day was

beautiful. Of course Alice had picked this day for her wedding. I walked to my closet and glanced at the clock. 11Am. Holy Crow. I over slept.

I walked quietly over to my bed and kissed Emma on the head.

"I'll see you later," I whispered into my sleeping daughter's ear. I quickly threw on some clothes and scurried down the stairs.

"Moring Dad" I mumbled as I walked into the kitchen to get myself some breakfast.

"Mornin' Bells" he replied as he picked up his coffee and sipped it loudly. "Have a good sleep?" he breathed slowly.

"Um, it was alright" I paused trying not to let my worry show through my happy-ish façade. "How about you?" I said slowly.

"Slept like a baby, as always," he paused and looked down at his watch. "What time do you have to be at Alice's at?" he questioned.

"Twelve," I breathed.

"Well you better get going its, 11:30" he said going back to reading his paper.

"What!" I squeaked. I quickly ran to the front door and put on my coat. "Are you sure your okay with taking care of Emma today" I called from the door.

"Yeah, yeah; were going to have lots of fun, have a good time Bells"

"Bye Dad" I called and then shut the door behind me. I walked to my truck slowly as I let the sun soak up into my skin. I opened the door to my red truck and climbed in and slowly pulled out of the driveway, the thought in my head swirled into one.

Was he going to be at the Cullen's house? Was I going to have to see him again? I hoped so. _No!_ I _needed_ to move on to start living a real life.

And then the most important question crossed my mind. Would the Cullen's forgive me for leaving? They had been like a second family to me and I suppose leaving like that, without telling them were I went really did hurt them. Especially Esme, she was like a mother to me. Guilt washed over me. I needed to face them to tell them I was sorry for leaving they way I did. I needed to do this, not for Alice, but for myself.

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I pulled into the Cullen's long curvy driveway. Their house shone in the mid afternoon light. I let my car idle in front of there mansion.

_You can do this, you can do this_. I repeated over and over in my head. Could I do this? Could I face all of them, my second family, the ones I had left so long ago to protect them from my sticky spider web. I had to, I needed to. I pulled my keys out of the ignition, opened the rusted door and jumped out into the sunlight. I stood there for a minute to make sure I had myself under control. The light breeze blew my hair around my face as the smell of the damp earth filled my nose, my stomach twisted.

I slowly began to walk up to the front door, and stopped right outside. The door mat was the same. I remember it as clearly as if was just like yesterday when I had place my letter upon it. I tore my eyes away and lightly tapped my fist again the thick white door. I strained my ears to hear for sounds coming from inside.

I heard someone approaching it quickly and the door swung open and there stood Esme. She looked a little flustered as if she had been arguing with someone.

"Bella" she breathed with a motherly tone in her honey suckled voice. Her face crinkled into a familiar smile which made me feel little again. Esme was like a mother to me, she would bandage me up when I fell down, she would tuck me in at night when Alice and I had sleepovers. She had always been there for me when I mom wasn't and I loved her for that.

"Esme" I said while choking back my tears the threatened to spill over the brims of my eyes.

"Come on in, honey" she said wrapping and arm around my shoulder. "I've missed you" she whispered into my ear.

"I missed you too" I replied. She pulled me into the living room that had been transformed in to a magnificent wedding hall. There were about a billion chairs with an alter directly in front. The place looked nothing like I remember it.

"Alice is waiting for you upstairs" she paused. "Bella we have a lot of catching up to do" she said as she touched me on the nose. I smiled and turned and walked up the stairs. I walked down the familiar hallway, taking in the familiar sights. I stopped in front of his room. The door was closed but I knew it was his. I would never forget in a million years. I heard a voice quietly murmur something from inside. And then I heard someone yelling. It sounded like… Emmett. Why was Emmett yelling at Edward?

"Why Edward, just mo-" I heard Emmett growl. But a low mumbled interrupted him. Edward's voice was once filled with life and energy now was quiet and sad. I couldn't listen anymore; I quickly ran down the hall to Alice's room. I ran in and closed the door behind me. There was Alice sitting on her bed, looking as if she was in a dreaming.

"Alice?" I questioned slightly out of breath.

"Oh, Bella" she sat up alarmed "I didn't hear you come in" she put a smile on her face though underneath I could tell she was nervous.

"Alice… why….why didn't you tell me he was coming?" I whispered.

"I didn't know, I thought he wouldn't, I… I…. I'm sorry" she said gazing up into my eyes. I sat down on her old bed. And tried to smile. My heart was telling me to stay, to walk down that aisle today as my best friend's maid of honor, but my mind was telling me something completely different. _Run Bella, run_. It screamed at me. _Get out of here before it's too late_. I tried to push it aside, ignore it. But it was right; I knew that this was going to end in disaster, nothing ever turned out the way I wanted. Nothing.

There was a light tape on the door.

Esme popped her flustered face into Alice's room. "Girl's, start to get ready. Rose is coming over to help and I will be up in a minute." She mused.

"'Kay" Alice said hurrying over to her old closet. Her room reminded me so much of that night, the night I took the …. Test. I reminded me so much it took my breath away.

"Rose?" I questioned, that name sounded so familiar.

"Rosalie Hale, remember her? She was in almost all of are classes in high school" she replied preoccupied with unzipping the bag that held are dresses.

Thoughts flowed through my head, Rosalie Hale, as in the prettiest girl in Forks High? The girl who could wrap any guys she wanted around her finger? We had never been 'friends' per say, but Alice had always been fond of her. Partly because Rosalie loved to shop and I didn't. But had Alice become closer friends with her after I had left?

"Come on Bella, we need to get ready." She said taking my hand in hers. I smiled at her even though my thoughts were miles away.

She handed me was blue gown. "Go put this on, I'm going to need help with mine." She giggled.

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The music float up the stairs to where we were waiting. This was are cue. Alice was behind me in an elegant white dress that outlined every curve in her body perfectly. Her hair was not in it usually jet black spikes. It had been gently curled and bounced with every step she took.

"Bella" I heard Carlisle mumble under his breath. "It's your time to go." Carlisle seemed to be happy to see me, when he had wrapped me in his arms and had said how much the family missed me.

I took my head out of the clouds. And looked down the Cullen's long flight of stairs that I would need to venture in order to reach the alter.

"Bella, you will be fine, just look at your feet and you won't trip" She muttered as if she could read my mind. I smiled. And placed my foot on the first step.

_One_

_Two_

_Three_

_Four_

_Five_

_Six_

_Seven_

_Eight_

And I made it to flat ground. The Cullen's once empty living room now sat what seemed to be the whole town. Rosalie sat at the piano playing simple melodic tunes. I stumbled down the aisle, but made it to the alter in one pieces.

Then the ceremonial music kicked in and Alice gracefully floated down the stair case Carlisle's arm in hers. I looked over to Jasper, whose face seemed to be brighter than the sun. He's smile shone with a brillantancy of a million stars when he spotted her. I tore my gaze away from my love sick friend.

My eyes scanned the crowd until I found him. He was gazing at me with and intensity that seemed to penetrate right through me. Are eyes locked and something seemed to burst inside of me. I want too; I needed to talk to him. I need to feel him close to me again. I needed him like a drug addict needed heroin.

I tore my eyes off of him. And looked back to Alice who had made it to the alter and was now hand and hand with the love of her life. I had obviously missed a larger part of the vows gazing at …. Him.

"Jasper Whitlock, do you take Alice Cullen to be your awfully wedded wife?" the priest said in a booming voice that seemed to fill the whole house.

"I do" he replied his voice strong and sure.

"Alice Cullen, do you take Jasper Whitlock to be your husband?"

"I do" Alice's pixie like voice rang in my ears even after it had gone silent.

"Then I now pronounce you man and wife" Cheers filled my surroundings. People arose from their chairs as Jasper and Alice walked down the aisle hand in hand. The crowd consumed them and they disappeared into a cloud of slick dresses and black suits.

And there I stood at the front of the church like and idiot, unable to move my legs.

It hit me, everyone I knew had found a happy ending….except for me. I would forever be alone, slowly wasting away on the thought of what could have been, what should have been.

Finally I unglued my legs from the alter and slowly walked down the stairs, but of course being me my foot got in the way. The floor came closer and closer until I fell into something soft and warm. Arms. His arms. I looked up into his seas coloured eyes and felt like I was home again.

"Bella." His tone was flat.

"Edward" I said out of breathe. His hand was still on my waist making sure that I wouldn't stumble over.

The silenced fill my heart. Why was his expression so life-less? So empty?

"How have you been?" I asked.

His eyes burned into mine as if he was searching for something.

"Okay, I guess." He paused and slowly letting go of the grip he had on my hip. "How have you been?" he pondered; reluctantly tearing his eyes away from mine.

"Um, I've been good. You know just… just" I lost myself in his cold, lifeless eyes. Why was he so heart shatteringly beautiful? Even when sadness filled his eyes as the were right now.

"Are you okay?" I said holding his eyes in mine. Something flashed in his emerald orbs to fast for me to decode before he put back on his cold hard outer layer.

"I'm…--" He began. But a voice interrupted him. A voice from my past, a voice that all together I had hoped to forget.

"Here you are" she sneered. Tanya. She wrapped Edward in her arm and kissed him on the lips. I stood there, frozen in place watching them. They seemed so in love, Edward, my Edward, had fallen in love with the enemy.

Tanya pulled away from her deep kiss and grabbed Edward's hand.

"Oh, _Bella" _She sneered my name as _if _she hadn't seen me talking to Edward in the first place.

I suddenly felt like I was in high school again. Tanya fighting for Edward's attention, her constant bullying towards me.

Tanya had finally gotten everything she had ever wanted. She had Edward. And she had me in the palm of her hand waiting to be crushed.

"Hi Tanya" I replied meekly. I gazed down at me feet. I felt exactly like I had 4 years ago. Trapped.

"So, how was your little _vacation_ for the last four years. You enjoy yourself?" She said sarcastically.

"Excuse me?" I questioned dumbfounded.

"Tanya don't--" Edward pulled on her hand. My eyes flashed up to his face just as his eyes flashed to mine. Why was there such agony behind them? Why was all I wanted to do was grab him and never give him back?

Tanya sneered a laugh through her throat.

"Come on Edward let's go to the backyard" her hand in his. "Talk to you later _Bella."_ She giggled. My eyes watched them as the disappeared into the crowd which was now slowly escaping into the backyard to where the rest of the night would be spent.

How could Edward of been like that? He… he… wasn't my Edward, my Edward was the Edward that would stand up for my through anything, no matter what.

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The back yard was beautiful and had been transformed into something that seemingly came right out of a dream. There was soft music playing in the background transforming the atmosphere into something of a fairy tale.

I immediately picked Alice out of the crowd.

"Alice" I called. She was obviously wrapped up into an intense conversation with Emmett, and didn't notice my attempts to get her attention.

I slowly walked up to them just in time to catch the last bits of their heated argument.

"Alice, it's just ---" Emmett's once booming voice was now down to a dull whispered.

"Different?" Alice mumbled.

"Exactly." Emmett agreed.

"Alice?" I whispered from behind her. She jumped.

"Bella, you scared me" she said with her hand over her heart.

"Bella, Bella, is that you?" Emmett towered over me casting a shadow onto my face.

I smiled. "Hey Emmett" I whispered.

"Long time no see" he remarked. I nodded my head in agreement. He turned his face back to Alice.

"Have you seen my wifey any where by any chance" Emmett said obviously referring to Rosalie. From what Alice had told me when we were getting ready, Rosalie and Emmett had fallen hard for each other shortly after I had left. And exactly two months after they graduated from high school they were married.

"I think she's over talking to Tanya" Alice's face crunched up into a grimace. She obviously had no love for Tanya within her heart, just as I.

Emmett laughed lightly when he saw his sister's usually happy face turn into a sour scowl.

"Okie Dokie, talk to you guys later. Good to see you again Bella" he waved and disappeared into the last rays of sun. Twilight, I thought to myself. I looked over to my west to see the tip of the sun slowly disappearing into the clouds. I turned my face back to Alice, who was giving me a difficult look.

"What?" I questioned.

"Nothing," she sighed putting a smile on her face. "Come on let's go and sit down" she said grabbing my hand and pulling me to the table which her family was now seated at. I sat down beside Emmett and Alice, who was now ogling with Jasper who sat beside her with a goofy grin slapped across his face. Everyone was at the table except for Tanya…. And Edward. My eyes scanned the crowd. There I found them, off in the shadows looking as if the were in a deep discussion. I looked away. My heart seemed to crack and the hole within my chest threatened to expose my desperate attempts to keep a smile on my face. I gazed back to the shadows once more to see Tanya gone and Edward's eyes on me. Mine met his and the hair on my arm seemed to stand on end.

Before I could lose my self anymore I tore my eyes off of his.

"So, Bella what's going on in your life right now?" Emmett questioned obviously trying his hardest to include me in the conversation. Everyone turned to me waiting to hear my response. I blushed deep red. From the corner of my eye I saw Edward gracefully walk over and take a seat as Tanya followed him and sat down quietly beside.

"Well, um… I am going to university right now. Night courses… cause I have… um other obligation during the day." I stuttered making a fool out of myself.

Emmett nodded. Only Tanya continued.

"Other obligation?" She questioned with an edge in her voice that made my skin crawl.

Silenced filled my ears. How was I suppose to answer that.

"Um—" Was all I could say. I looked to Alice with desperate eyes.

"So Tanya how are you enjoying my wedding so far." Alice said obviously trying to side track her. It worked; thankfully.

"It amazing" she said pealing her eyes off of mine. "Speaking about wedding, Edward and I have an announcement." She beamed. I looked over to Edward who was looking at me with sadness and hate in his eyes. _Hate._ My heart began to hurt. He looked away from me and to Tanya.

"Not right now Tanya" I heard him mumble underneath his breath. She patted Edward on the hand.

"Don't be silly" she said with love thick in her voice.

"Well…" Esme said.

"Well" Tanya smiled. "Edward and I are engaged!!"

Congratulations filled the air. I could feel the tears in my eyes. I blinked them away. I looked up to see Edward looking at me and threw him a pathetic excuse for a smile.

"May I Be excused" he whispered towards Alice.

Alice glanced at him and then to me. "Sure." She replied. Tanya was too consumed in talking to Rosalie then to even notice him leave.

I watched as he disappeared into the house. I knew I should never have come back. I knew that seeing Edward again would hurt me but I hurt me even more to see him like this. Alice had said that he had changed, that he had lost himself. But _why?_ Why… How.. was he like this. I need to find him. I need to see him. I need to get him to tell me what was wrong.

"Um.. Alice?" I whispered.

"Yeah" she breathed heavily taking her lips off of Jasper's.

"I need to go to the bathroom I will be right back, okay?" I said in a low whisper.

"Okay" Alice smiled.

I quietly got out of my chair and walked into the shadows the house made. I opened the door and stumbled into the living room. The room once filled with life and people, was now filled with only chairs that gave me a strange eerie feeling.

I knew where Edward was. I was about to venture into a room I never dreamed of going back into. I slowly walked up the stairs case with my hand tightly gripping the railing. The upstairs to the Cullen house was completely dark except for a light that was coming out of one of the room's. His room. I tried quietly tiptoeing down the hall. I made it to his room and looked in; there he was on his bed, eyes close. I knocked on his door. His eyes flew open and for a brief second I though I saw tears but he quickly put back one his cold façade when he saw it was me.

"May I come in?" I questioned in a small voice.

"Okay." His voice still sounded as smooth as velvet even when it was dull and lifeless as it was right now. I walked over to where he was sitting on the corner of his bed and plopped myself down beside him. I looked down at my hand afraid to see what his eyes showed.

"Are you okay Edward?" I asked meekly.

"Yeah I'm fine. Why would you think I'm not okay?" he replied harshly

"I don't know, you… you just seem different" I replied finally looking up into his eyes

"You've been away for a while Bella. People change." He said in a hard flat tone.

"I know people change. But Edward I know you, I know you better then anyone."

"You knew, but thing change, people change. You left me Bella, for four years, without even saying goodbye." I saw the pain in his eyes.

"Edward, I'm …. Sorry." I whispered.

There was silence.

"Bella, you helped me through everything. Just like I help you. Why didn't you let me help you the time you obviously needed the most help with?" He said, tearing his gaze away from my eyes. If only he knew why I had left him. For his own good. I wanted for him to have a future and for him to never feel like he had the obligation to take care of Emma.

"Edward, I just…. I…. I…needed to work through that on my own." I mumbled looking back down to my hands.

"Bella." He breathed. I looked up to see a tear streaming down his face. "I _missed_ you" he whispered. I broke. I couldn't hold it in any longer. The tears followed down my face. I closed my eyes and whispered. "I missed you too"

I felt him grab my face and wiped the tears away. When I opened my eyes I was how close he was to me. His breathe caressed my cheek. I closed my eyes in time to feel his lip touch mine. I kissed back.

_What are you doing Bella_. My mind screamed at me. _Stop. Stop._ But I couldn't. I wouldn't. I had dreamt of this for four years. Four excruciatingly long years. My lips melt into his. Are kiss was a mixture of passion and tears. Even though it made me feel better than I had in years I knew that I needed to pull away. I knew that he was engaged, and I knew how much more I would always love him, more the Tanya could possibility ever. It broke my heart when I tore my lips off of his soft mouth. I opened my eyes.

"Edward."

"Bella"

Silence.

"I….I…I need to go." I said slightly out of breath. I stood up from the bed and began to walk away when he grabbed my wrist. I looked back to his emerald coloured orbs.

"I need— I have to see you again." He said. I placed my hand to his.

"I have to go." I repeated, taking his hold off my wrist and slowly walked out of his room and back to where everyone was now dancing.

I needed to leave more then ever. I loved Edward to much to let him know of the real reason I had left. Because of _our_ daughter. Emma Alice Swan.

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**Omgoodness. :) LONG CHAPTER. I'm sorry if this chapter wasn't very good, but I was having writers block and was suffering from a seriously bad cold; but I tried my best. **

**But I got to say I loved writing Edward and Bella's kiss. :) **

**I will be posting either later this weekend if I have a lot of free time, but if I don't then I will be posting probably around Tuesday or Wednesday.**

**I got to say one thing for the idea's I got for the next chapter. HOLY MOLY.**

**It's going to be suspenseful.**

**I got a question though ****Would you guys like it if for the next chapter I were to jump in-between POV with Edward and Bella?**

**Please read and review and tell me what you think.**

**Love you all lots :) 3**


	13. Goodbye my almost lover

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**EDWARD POV**

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Tanya pressed her lips against my cheek. She ran her hand along my bare body. The house had fallen silent after the booming party. It was quiet, too quiet.

"Edward" Tanya moaned. _This doesn't feel right._ My mine screamed at me. _This isn't right._

I knew that it wasn't right but there was nothing I could do about it. I would forever be with the person that I didn't love. The person that didn't make me feel like my heart would be ripped out of my chest every time she walked by. Only one person _could _do that. The one person who would forever and always be number one in my heart. Bella.

Tanya pressed her clammy hand against my chest and began to kiss me passion that seemed to rip right through me.

I quietly let my mind wander back to early in the night. Bella on _my _bed, just like so many years ago, looking as beautiful as ever. I let my mind wander to other possibilities, what if right now it was Bella on top of me, Bella kissing me with passion that could ignite the fire of a thousand flames. Bella who would place her hand over my heart. Bella, Bella, "_Bella_.".

"What?" I heard Tanya breathe. Had I just said that out loud? "What did you just say?" she asked, obviously fuming.

"Nothing" I mumbled under my breath.

"_Nothing,_ Edward?" she said somewhat preoccupied with rolling off of my body. I nodded in agreement.

She stiffed a laugh. "Funny 'cause it sounded to me like you said _something _to me" She replied as she got out of my childhood bed. I kept silent. For some reason not at all saying Bella's name.

"Edward! I heard you, you said Bella. Last time I check I wasn't a retarded bitch." She said somewhat preoccupied with putting back on her pajama bottoms.

I sat there in shock, looking at the girl I was going to get married to, the girl that I would have to spend the rest of my life with.

"I…I can't" I whispered, suddenly there was a million butterflies within my stomach, gently flapping their wings against my insides.

"You can _what_?" she questioned with sarcasm in her voice.

There was silence between us as I pondered the question.

"I can't do this; you and me" I said raising out of my bed and grabbing my clothes that lay in a neat pile beside it.

"Are you kidding me?" she replied obviously not at all believing what was coming out my mouth.

"Tanya… it… it... just doesn't feel right" I as gazing down at my hand to scared to see the kind of hurt her face portrayed.

"This is a joke" she said sitting down on the bed. I kept silent while turning my gazing out the window. The night was beautiful every star shone as bright as the sun. I wished more than anything that I could be a star, shining bright forever. But I was stuck in my body, that would forever be a never ending abyss of darkness.

I looked back into Tanya's eyes. Out of the blue she started to laugh.

"What?" I questioned, dumbfounded.

She stiffed a giggle. "It's because your in love with her, _isn't _it?" She replied taking on a serious tone.

"No" _Yes_. I continued to lie to myself. To scared to admit the truth of my situation. That I was uncontrollably and irrevocably in love with my best friend. Isabella Swan.

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**BELLA POV  
*************************************************************

How… why… had I let myself do that. I had ruined all of the progress I had made, even though I knew I was getting nowhere anytime soon. I had kissed him, the one who I would love forever, until the end of time. Edward Cullen.

He probably would never want to talk or see me again. He was getting married, he was somewhat seemingly happy with his life that he had set before him. And I just had to go in there and ruin everything for me… and him. I looked up into my dad's chocolate brown eyes. They were full of understanding but most of all sadness.

"I'm sorry Dad, but I have….. I need to go home." I replied looking away from he wise eyes.

"But Bella… I just got you back" It heart broken slightly. I missed my dad and I want to spend time with him, but I needed to get away from here before I did something I would regret.

"Dad" I said placing my hand on top of his "I need to go, I can't let him find out, I'm sorry" I replied looking down.

"Bella, maybe you should tell---" But he caught himself. "I….I understand."

Are eyes locked. "Dad I promise that I'll come back."

"Christmas?"

"Christmas." I confirmed. He smiled, but I didn't touch his eyes.

"I'm going to go and get Emma, I have ticket to leave tonight." I said tearing my eyes off of his. I knew that my sudden departure time would hurt him even more.

"Oh.. okay" I didn't look back to his face.

I quietly creeped up the stairs into my small room. Emma lay fully dressed on my bed, shallowly breathing in and out slowly. I stalked over and place my warm hand onto her little body.

"Emma…Emma baby wake up" I lightly shook her.

"Mamma" she asked, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. I kissed her forehead lightly.

"Did you have a good day with Grandpa?" I asked while quietly walking over and zipping up the suitcase that had yet to be unpacked.

"Yeah, we had tons of fun…. Mamma what are you doing?" She was way too observant for her own good.

"Um… well… we're going home a little early" I replied while shoving in the clothes that lay on the floor around the bed.

"Why?" She voice was quiet and vulnerable.

"Because baby. Now come on get your teddy bear." I said while reaching for the doorknob. I glanced quickly at my clock. Three in the morning. I hated red eyes. The flight would be leaving at 9am but I wanted to get there as early as possible.

Emma grabbed her teddy and ran to grab hold of my hand. I glanced once more back into the room that I would probably not see again for a long time.

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**EDWARD POV**

**************************************************

Why was life so excruciatingly difficult? Why did it seem like nothing ever went right? Would I forever be surrounded be failure and sorrow. I had just broken Tanya's heart, the one person who had been there for me when… she wasn't. I drove slowly down the dark road. I glanced over at my clock that sat on my dash board. 3am. I needed to get out of here the place that had been the cause of my second heart break. Bella had pulled away, as if she did want to kiss me. And that broke my heart. She cracked me open, and left me waiting to be stitched up again.

I didn't know where I was going until I ended up at her house. I hadn't come down here since the day she had left four years ago. I had tried to avoiding anything that involved Bella. But as I slowly realized my whole life involved her.

I let my car idle in front of her quant little house. Contemplating what I should do. _Was I becoming a stalker? _I thought to myself. I fit the criteria, obsessed, can't get her out my mind, sitting outside her out her house in the wee hours of the morning. I was beginning to really scare myself. I need to tell her how I felt about her. That my heart would only ever beat for her and no one else. But she had left me, without even saying goodbye. She never called, never wrote to me. But I would constantly think of her. Every minute of the day my mind was consumed in thought that revolved around one thing. The one that kept me grounded. Bella. My gravity.

I needed to go home. And Forks was not my home anymore. It would soon turn back in to the place it used to be cold, lonely and dark and with out it's sun. I needed to leave before I could let the darkness crush me again.

I pulled my eyes off the small house and continued to the airport. Soon I would be back in Chicago. My …. Home.

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There were few cars that were parked in the deserted parking lot. The clocked tick aimlessly. I grabbed the one suitcase I had in my rental car and ran to the inside of the structure, promising me warm away from the rain that lightly cascaded down from the night sky. It was close to five in the morning and hopefully my plane would be as empty as the parking lot. I reached the doors of the airport and walked in. The insides were also empty except for the few people that scurried along, mostly business men and woman. I strolled over to the one of the main desks.

"Hello There" I said in a clam voice. There was a young woman working at the desk and I knew that I could use my charm for an advantage.

"H-hi" she stuttered. I threw her a smile.

"I need a ticket to Chicago, preferably today." I replied in a smooth voice.

"Let me see what I have here" she said turning her gaze to the computer which sat directly in front of her. Her finger taped in a continues rhythm against the keyboard.

"Um… we have one for later in the day, around 12am, is that alright?" she questioned batting her eyelashes. I sighed out loud.

"That's fine." I breathed handing her my credit card. She slip it through the machine and handed it back to my along with my ticket.

"Have a good day, if you need anything my name is Abby" I nodded to her and walked over to a small coffee shop nestled into the corner of the airport terminal. I walked up to one of the small newspaper stands pondering which newspaper I should get when I felt a small hand tug gently at my pant leg. I looked down to see a porcelain faced child looking at me. Her eyes were the only thing I could see, they were so hug that they immediately drew me in. It felt like I was swimming in her beautiful chocolate brown eyes.

"Can you help me?" a little voice rang in my ear even after it was gone.

"What's wrong?" I asked, placing the paper back down onto the rack.

"I can't find my Mammmmma" she choked. She was obviously trying to hold back the tear. I could see them welling up within her eyes. She looked about only four maybe five at the most, what kind of irresponsible mother could lose such a precious child. She looked into my eyes then, seemingly looking right through my soul.

"Let's go and get you some help. Okay?" I asked in a soft voice.

"Okay" She replied.

"What's your name?" I asked.

"Emma." She replied in a voice thick in tears.

"That's such a pretty name. I'm Edward." I said looking at her. She smiled back as a single tear slid down her face. I knelt down beside her and took her hand into mine.

"Emma," I paused. She looked up into my eyes and for a brief second someone familiar faced in her. But I couldn't decipher who. "We will find you Mamma." I said tearing my eyes off of hers and looked around the now crowded terminal. I saw her lightly nodded out of the corner of my eye.

"What does you Mamma look like?" I asked looking around.

"She has brwown hair, and brwown eyes." She replied in adorable little lisp.

"What's her name?" I asked.

"Mamma" she said in a serious tone. I suppressed a laugh.

"Okay, how about we walk over to the security office and see if they can help us some more?" I smiled down at her trying to make her feel comfortable with the situation she was in.

We slowly made our way over the security office which I had remember passing on the way in.

"How old are you Edward?" Emma asked quietly.

"I just turn twenty two." I said glancing around to see if I could find anyone that fit the description Emma had given me.

"You're old." She gawked. I laughed.

"I'm not that old" I said pretending to be offended. She giggled, but worry was still thick in it.

"You're as old as my Mamma." She replied biting her lower lip with anxiety.

"Look Emma, it's okay. We will find her, I promise." I said in a stern tone hopefully reassuring her that we were going to find her mother. She nodded.

"Are you just with your Mamma, or is your Daddy with you too?" I asked looking down at her as we continued to walk over to where I had seen the security office.

"I don't have a Daddy." She said, I heard something in her voice that sounded almost like anger, which I had never heard before come out of a four year olds mouth.

"Oh, I see." Was all I could say. I didn't want her to start crying again. She smiled at me, as if she was trying to reassure _me_ that it was okay.

"Mamma said he lived somewhere else." She mumbled also now glanced around the crowed terminal with searching eyes.

I spotted a brunette in the crowed.

"Is that her?" I asked pointing to a woman who stood in the center of a group of people.

Emma glanced over with excitement in her face, but it soon fell.

"No…" She sighed. I looked down to see tears silently spilling over the brims of her eyes.

"It's okay Emma." I insisted.

"I want my Mamma." She wailed. She looked so little and so vulnerable. I took her hand in mine and squeezed it gently; I wiped a tear that was slowly running down her face.

A smile touched her eyes through her tears.

"Now common, were almost a security office and I am sure that if we can't find you Mamma that they will." I admitted.

We quietly walked hand and hand until we reached write outside of the security office.

"Edward?" I heard Emma asked quietly. I looked down to where her big brown eyes were pouring into mine.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"Thank you" She smiled.

"For what?" I asked.

"For helping me." For a four year old Emma seemed way past her years. She was really beginning to remind me of… someone.

We turned the corner to find a door with writing on it that read _Security_. Before we could open the door it flung open and there she stood with tears streaming down her face with security men surrounding her. I look down to see Emma's face brighten up.

"Mamma!" She screamed and ran into her crying arms. I saw _her_ look up at me with the tears of sorrow now turned to tears of joys. But when she saw me her face dropped and worry and guilt flashed through her all too similar big brown eyes.

"Bella?"

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**I am so sorry that took so long to post. It's just that it was the beginning of second semester for me and I didn't have a lot of time to write. **

**Also if you have any ideas of where this should go I would love to hear them. I have been having a major case of writers block lately.**

**Please read and review. **

**I love you all 3 **


	14. So I've Fallen

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**BELLA POV  
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"Emma!" I screamed at the top of my lung. I felt my heart pounding against my chest with a rhythm that felt as if it would rip through my shirt. She was gone. I took my eyes off her once, just once and she disappeared. I could feel the warm tears streaming down my face as I ran through the airport screaming her name.

She was the only thing I had, the only part of him I still had, and now she was gone. I ran as fast as I could until my feet got in the way. The floor came closer and closer to my face until everything went black. I let all my tears spill over the brims of my eyes. They pooled around my face as I lay there letting my anguish engulf me.

I feel a light tap on my back and before I knew it I was being lifted into strong arms. My head was spinning.

"Miss, are you okay?" I heard a deep voice asked.

My sobs were still ripping me open from the inside out. "My….. Daughter" I sobbed into this man shirt.

"Its okay" He soothed. "Let me bring you to the security office. Alright?" He asked with unnecessary concern leaking through his voice, I must look worse then I thought. He set me back onto my feet; through my tears I could see that he was wearing a uniform. I felt another round of hysterics about overcome me.

"Okay" I rasped in a tight voice afraid of letting any more tears spill over. I felt him grab me by the arm and began to lead me back the way I had came; and before I knew it we were standing in front of a door the read security in bold black writing. I pushed open the door as he escorted me to seat were he relayed my story to the other officers. I sat in the chair, crying my eyes out and making a complete and utter fool out of myself. What if she were to be kidnapped and I were never to see her face angelic face light up again on Christmas morning, or to never feel her crawl into my bed at night after she had, had a bad dream. This only made me cry harder and harder until I hurt too much to breathe. I felt someone place a small hand on my back. I looked up through my tears to see a woman's sympathic face gazing down at me.

"What's your name sweetheart" She asked in a soothing tone. She looked to be in her early forties. She had kind eyes and almond coloured hair.

"Isabella Swan" I choked out. She flashed her white teeth at me.

"And what your daughter's name, Isabella?"

"Emma Alice Swan, she four, and she alone and….and…" I broke. I placed my head into my hands a let the full force of my sobs take control of my body.

I over heard mumbles on how to approach the situation I had put them in. I could feel them all coward around me with desperate attempts on trying to sooth me, but all fail. The hysterics had consumed me and I knew that I wouldn't be able to come out of them until I had my little girl in my arms again. Safe and sound.

I tried to look at the people who surrounded me but their faces had become a great blur. Flesh tones mixed together. I tried desperately to wipe the tears from my eyes but they just kept coming back, spilling over the brims.

I scanned the same security office with my blurry eyes. My eyes met the door. In my head I said I silent prayer. I had never exactly believed in God, but it seemed like the right thing to do in a situation like this one.

_God,_

_Please let my see her face once more. I promise I will be a better mom. I love her, I need her. Without her I have no reason to live. No reason to exist. Please let me have her back_

_Amen_

My gaze was fixed on the door as I said the silent prayer over and over again in my head. I close my eyes as I felt a strange breeze blow across my face. When I reopened my eyes, and there she was. There was my baby, her face a glow with happiness when she saw me sitting there. My tears turn sorrowful to joyful in a matter of minutes. She slammed her tiny body into mind. I hugged her with every muscle in my body. I my gaze rose I saw the man who had helped her find me. Who had given me my life back.

My heart dropped. Because there he was looking at me with a perplexed expression upon his stone craven face.

"Bella" I heard him whisper in a strained but still magnificent voice. My tears began to fade as my eyes melted into his.

I felt my stomach tie into knots.

"Mamma" Emma said pulled on my tears soaked shirt. "This is Edward, he helped me find you." Emma smiled up to Edward, but he didn't notice, he was looking at me.

I swallowed my freaks. "Thank you." I said. Had he noticed the resemblance between him and her? Had he asked her about her father? My throat clenched making it hard for me to breathe. I tore my gaze away for his saddened eyes.

"Come on baby we need to get going if we want to go and see Grandma." I rasped at Emma. She slid her tiny finger into mine as I slip out the main door into the crowded terminal.

"Thank you" I called back to all the security men and women. I had to get away from here before Edward could get a better look into Emma's all too similar face. I began to walk at a quicker pace dragging Emma along behind me.

"Bella!" I heard someone yell from behind me. I knew it was him, so I increased my pace.

"Mamma, slow down, plwease" Emma begged.

"Baby, we're going to … um miss the plane." I lied, I knew we had already missed it.

"Bella, wait" I heard a velvet voice yell, and before I knew it he was standing in front of me panting like a dog.

"What do you want Edward?" I asked with an unnecessary amount of anger in my voice. I shocked him as much as I shocked myself with all the emotion in it.

"You…. You…." He stuttered looking down at Emma.

"Spit it out Edward" I said in a hard tone. Still trying to keep up my fast pace, going absolutely nowhere.

"Would you slow down?" He begged grabbing hold of my free arm.

"Let me go" I mumbled. He released he grip and threw his hands up into the air as if to pose no harm.

"Would you please just talk to me?" he muttered in a voice thick with sadness. My hands twitched out to touch to comfort but I quickly moved them back to my sides.

"What do you want to know?" I asked still in a hard tone.

"You have…. a daughter?" He asked. I rolled my eyes.

"Well, what does it look like?" I said pointing down to Emma who stayed crouched behind my legs as if hiding from a war.

"How old is she?" He said looking down to her.

"She's um…. She's …. Um…. Four." I stuttered scared about the information I was beginning to give away. Something flashed through Edward's face to fast for my slow eyes to see. But there was something their behind his cold hard face some sort of long lost feeling, which I desperately wanted him to show me.

"Four." He said in a tone that nearly broke my heart. "Who the hell were you sleeping with Bella?" He said in an almost hurt sounding voice.

_Who the hell do you think I was sleeping with Edward? _ I though to myself.

"Is it Mike's" He asked. I looked with a puzzled expression upon my face. "Mike Newton, remember him? The boy you always flirted with." He said looking back down to Emma.

"Are you kidding me? Edward can you be so utterly stupid. I never liked Mike, I never like anyone bu-" I began to say, but sadly caught myself before I could blurt out any more of my unnecessary feelings to him. I looked up into his eyes.

"Then who's is she?" He asked. Was he joking, could he seriously not see the apparent resemblance between him and his…. Daughter. The resemblance that pulled on my heart strings every time I looked into her beautiful face.

"Mamma" I felt Emma pull on my hand again. "I want to go to Grandpa's" She looked up with longing in her eyes. A longing that I had prayed she would never posses.

"Not right now baby." I whispered to her. She let out a deep sigh and looked back up to Edward's face, her oblivious' father's face.

"Answer me Bella" He said in a hard tone.

"Edward, I have only ever slept with one person in my whole life." I choked out. Telling him something, giving him the answer to the secret I had wished to keep for as long as I lived. I tighten my grip on Emma's hand and began to stalk away. I increased my pace until I came to the doors leading out to the parking lot. I ran out into the rain and toward my ancient truck, not knowing where the hell I was going. I opened the passenger's door and buckled Emma in. I ran over to the other side of my truck, but before I reached the door he stood in front of me. I quietly shrieked under my breath.

Rain pour down onto our faces make it hard to see each other. But even through the down pour he still looked beautiful. To my eyes the rain seemingly looked to be almost like… tear drops

I mentally slapped myself over thinking anything of the fact, why would he be crying?

"Bella" I heard him whispered. I had to strain my ears to hear him through the rain.

"What are you trying to tell me?" He asked, with worry wrapped into his voice.

I looked at him with tears that now filled my pain stricken eyes. "She's yours Edward, she's all your." I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear me above the rain I turned away from him, as I saw all the questions within his eyes answered. I opened my door but subtly looked back at him once.

"I have a daughter" He said. I didn't sound like a questioned it sounded more like a statement. I felt my heart break as I saw a small smile spread across his face.

I needed to leave.

I needed to get out of here.

He was engaged he was soon going to start a family of his own with Tanya. He didn't need Emma and I hanging around. I didn't need anything from Edward. He had given me everything I needed to survive. A beautiful daughter.

My mind told me this, but like always my heart told me other things.

I needed him, I craved him. But he was something I knew I could never have. And I _knew_ that would probably never have him in my arms again.

He was out of reach.

So close, yet so far, far away.

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**BELLA BELLA.**

**LOL.**

**If only she knew that Edward wasn't with Tanya.**

**Tsk tsk :P **

**I'm sorry that took so long. Just that I had a lot going on over the weekend and I didn't have a good amount of time to sit down and write. But I promise that I will be posting more later this weekend. For sure. **

**THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HELP ME OVER MY WRITERS BLOCK. :) **

**Special thanks to **_**. ,**___**for giving me ideas last night on msn LMAOO.**

**Love you big bird.**

**THANK AGAIN EVERYONE.**

**I seriously love all of you. Your comments make me day.**


	15. She's falling apart

_Hey everyone. Im so so sorry about how long that took._

_I was unfournatly grounded, so i couldnt write for a while, that also explains why this chapter is this short._

_I promise you the next is for sure going to be longing. I have alot to explain in the next chappie. Get you kleenx box out. This one was the most emotional one for me to write._

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EDWARD POV

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I needed her; I craved to feel her body pressed against mine. I needed to touch her lips once more; I needed to look into to her eyes, to peer into her soul. The soul that held so many secrets that she had never told me. A pang of hurt rushed through my heart. How could she have kept our daughter a secret? I loved Bella; I am in… love with Bella. Now _and_ then. It didn't make a difference. But she had hurt me; she had left me broken and dead. And now strangely, it felt as if I had a reason to live. I knew that if Bella and I didn't end up together we _would_ always be together, within our daughter, intertwined into her heart and soul where we would stay together for eternity.

It hurt me deep to think that we wouldn't end up together, it made me want to pull over to the side of the road and just… _cry. _But I couldn't, I kept driving desperately trying to ignore the screaming voice in my head telling me to pull over and lose myself in my tears. But I couldn't, I had to stay strong I had to be tough. I had always been tough never letting anyone see me, for worry of what they might think. Only one person had seen my soul, the only person who would ever see it. Bella. The love of my life.

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BELLA POV

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I didn't know exactly where I was going but I continued to drive deeper into the dark abyss the night had set out before me. The road I was on seemed to dwindle on and on. I glanced over to Emma who was now sound asleep beside me. Her soft snores surrounded me like a blanket. I glanced to the clock on my dash board. 3 Am. I could feel sleep creeping up on me. I began to feel my eye lids drupe. I needed to pull over, but I couldn't, I wouldn't, in fear of having to face him. If I just continued a little further I could make it to a gas station, or a resting place. My body was screaming at me.

_Pull over Bella, pull over!_ But I couldn't. I needed to continue on. I needed to get away from all of this. My eye lid drooped to far this time. I slipped into unconsciousness. My dream was unusually cloudy he was there and I knew that because I could feel him, his presences there near me. I could feel him grabbing my hand but I couldn't hear him. It was as if I was in water struggling to reach the surface to drink in the precious air. But I couldn't reach him and as soon as my dream began it ended. Everything was black. Except for one small light. And there he was in that light calling me, calling my name.

"Bella, come on love" I heard his say in a whisper.

"Edward" I gasped as his skin began to glow. It was beautiful, he looked like and angel. My angel, my guardian.

"You need to come with me." He whispered extending out his left hand for me to take it.

"Come where?" I pondered.

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EDWARD POV

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The clocked seemed to tick aimlessly. I didn't have any clue were I was going but I continued to drive. Not knowing what I would have to face if I pulled over. I had been good at hiding my emotions my whole life. Never really telling anyone what I was truly feeling keeping me emotions tightly wrapped within my heart. But I couldn't it anymore I had to let people in. I had to show them I wasn't and arrogant bitch as they all presumed.

The road I was on was fairly deserted and the blackness of the night consumed me in its icy blanket. The only light I could see was the faint glimmer of on from down the street. I began to slow as I passed the scene that was laid out before me. It took my breath away. It was her; it was her red truck that was crunched into the tree. It was her body that was being dragged out the window, battered and bruised. My wheel shrieked as I pulled my car off to the side if the road. I could feel the warm moisture pouring down my cheeks. I flew out of my car.

"Bella!" I cried at the top of my lungs. Her body looked so fragile so little in the hands of the firemen.

"You need to stay back sir." A fireman said as he shoved me hard back into a small crowd of pharmaceutics.

"But I know her, what happened, how? Why?" I asked, mostly to myself.

"Sir you need to step back" He repeated to me not even attempting to answer me frantic question.

That when I heard it, a cry, a small one but it was there, coming from the car.

The cry grew louder until I heard it shout.

"Mamma" In a tear drenched voice, full of worry.

It was her, my daughter.

"Emma!!" I yelled even louder. I glanced over slowly to see Bella being loaded into the ambulance. The tears continuously flowed down my cheeks. It was if the men around me disappeared. I ran, ran as fast as I could to the sound of my daughters voice. The firemen were beginning to unload her for the car. Her head had a cut that was gushing blood, but other then that she looked perfect, unharmed, untouched. I felt hands grabbing my trying to restrain my desperate attempts to get to her, to hold her in my arms and protect her for this cold, hard world that had once broke me.

"Sir you need to stay back." I heard a familiar voice say in my ear.

"My daughter…" I panted. I pushed his grimy hand off of me and ran the rest of the distance to the red truck.

There she was in the hands of the large fire men, battered and broken, just like her mother. But this time Emma looked exceptionally vulnerable. Her sobs grew louder and louder until I thought my ears would bleed.

"Do you know this girl, sir?" Asked the fireman who she was clutching to.

"She's… um.. she's my… umm daughter." I stuttered out. His deep blue eyes poured into mine. But I threw them away to look at the thing that I wanted, the thing that I needed to get away from this scene. Emma. My daughter. They only lace where Bella and I would be in harmony forever.

"She's not breathing!" I heard someone yell from the ambulances, the woman's voice was laced with worry. I tore my eyes off of my beaten daughter and onto my love. Bella.

I couldn't exactly see her from where I stood, but many paramedics had crowded around the small ambulance and were yelling things to one another. The thing seemed to swirl around my head and then all of a sudden come crashing into me.

She was dyeing.

The person I loved with all my heart.

And the one person who I would never get a chance to tell about my feelings.

The one person who was my world.

My eyes shut.

Everything went black.

She was waiting for me, there in my dreams.

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**So I know this chapter is really short. But I wanted to leave over with a dramatic ending. **

**Will she survive? **

**Dumm dum dummmmmmm**

**I promise I will post later tonight or tomorrow evening. **

**Please read and review**

**-Lauren**


	16. Never let me in PREVIEW& AUTHOR NOTE

**IMPORTANT**

**Hey guys. I am so so sorry to leave you hanging like this, but I am going away on March break for about a week. I tried my hardest to try to post but my mom decided to be mean and kick me off. I will give you a preview so that I can leave you thirsting for move.**

**Here:**

_Colour swirled behind my closed eyes, colour that I had never seen or experienced before. It was like I was in the midst of a rainbow of colors I didn't even know existed. _

_Standing in the middle of the rainbow that had captivated my attention was, Bella. She was crying tears of sunlight it seemed. I could feel heat radiating from her body._

"_Edward" Her voice sounded different from the one I knew. It rang in my ear like wind chimes. "Edward" she continued "I'm… scared" She began to cry harder now, her small body almost seemed to shake under the force of her sobs._

"_Bella, Bella" I soothed with my voice as I walked towards her. I extended my hands out but she retreaded as if I would hurt her._

"_Edward, no mater what happens you need to remember I will always lov—" But she began to fade into the abyss of colours that surrounded her._

"_Bella!" I could feel the tear running down my cheeks drenching the clothes I was wearing "No!" I screamed falling onto my knees as I let my sobs rip through me. "Bella, come back, don't leave me… Bella" I closed my eyes as more and more tears spilled over._

_When I reopened them I was in a hospital room. Awake, Wide awake. The colourless walls hurt to look at after seeing such an array of different ones in my dream. Dreams, just a dream I continued to remind myself. But still in the pit of my stomach I knew it was something more. I decided the push aside those thoughts and concentrate on what was going on around me. I sat there in a hospital bed, a hospital bed were so many people before me had died, a bed of death. As my eyes scanned the room I could feel the worry creeping back up inside of me. Where was Bella? How was Bella? Where was Emma? What happened to me? How did I get here? So many questions that I knew would go un answered._

**The rest I have written is pretty CRAZY. If I have time when I am in Florida for March Break :) I will tried to hack onto my aunts computer and write more. But don't worry by the time I get back I promise that will have ATLEAST two chapters. (I am driving down so I will have a lot of free time on my hands :P)**

**I love all you guys. Again I am so sorry to leave you hanging like this. Please forgive me.**

**I will be posting probably on March 22. But I promise that I will have a great amount of chapter to post so I will make up for the time I lost.**

**- Lauren **


	17. Just let me sing you to sleep

_So while I was writing this chapter these two songs i listen to non-stop._

_And i think that if you listen to them they will make the chapter better._

_**Lullaby- Spill Canvas**_

**_Running Away- Midnight hour._**

I hope you enjoy :)

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**EDWARD POV**

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Colour swirled behind my closed eyes, colour that I had never seen or experienced before. It was like I was in the midst of a rainbow of colors I didn't even know existed.

Standing in the middle of the rainbow that had captivated my attention was, Bella. She was crying tears of sunlight it seemed. I could feel heat radiating from her body.

"Edward" Her voice sounded different from the one I knew. It rang in my ear like wind chimes. "Edward" she continued "I'm… scared" She began to cry harder now, her small body almost seemed to shake under the force of her sobs.

"Bella, Bella" I soothed with my voice as I walked towards her. I extended my hands out but she retreaded as if I would hurt her.

"Edward, no mater what happens you need to remember I will always lov—" But she began to fade into the abyss of colours that surrounded her.

"Bella!" I could feel the tear running down my cheeks drenching the clothes I was wearing "No!" I screamed falling onto my knees as I let my sobs rip through me. "Bella, come back, don't leave me… Bella" I closed my eyes as more and more tears spilled over.

When I reopened them I was in a hospital room. Awake, Wide awake. The colourless walls hurt to look at after seeing such an array of different ones in my dream. Dreams, just a dream I continued to remind myself. But still in the pit of my stomach I knew it was something more. I decided the push aside those thoughts and concentrate on what was going on around me. I sat there in a hospital bed, a hospital bed were so many people before me had died, a bed of death. As my eyes scanned the room I could feel the worry creeping back up inside of me. Where was Bella? How was Bella? Where was Emma? What happened to me? How did I get here? So many questions that I knew would go un answered.

I let my eyes rest upon the door; I could hear someone's faint whispers on the other side. As I began to strain my ears Alice walked in. Her makeup had been smudged from tears being spilled.

"Edward" She said in a quiet tone, which made my stomach drop. This wasn't the Alice I knew.

"Alice?" My throat felt tight as I squeaked out my word.

"She's… she's" But before she could continue Jasper walked through the door and took her in his arms.

"Alice, where is she?" _Where's my Bella?_ I want to say but continued to mentally block out those thoughts.

But Alice didn't respond instead she turned to me and began to cry even harder, harder then I had ever seen her cry in her life. I could now feel the tears begin to stream down my face; I could taste the warm salt water flowing into my mouth like an ocean.

"She's dead, isn't she?" I sobbed into my hands. "She's gone, she's… but… no .. how can this be happening to me?" I cried relentlessly, it seemed as if my heart had shattered everywhere, in every place. I was broken beyond repair.

"Edward.. she's.." Jasper spoke up this time looking down to Alice. "She's not… _dead_"

I took me a minute before I could fully comprehend what had just come out of his mouth.

"She's… she's not dead?" I questioned.

"She really hurt, she unconscious, but she's …_alive_" Jasper whispered.

Alive, she was alive.

"I need to see her" I said as I began to swing my legs over the bed. "Where is she?" I asked franticly, my teeth clenched down upon one another with such force I was almost positive I broke one.

"Edward….. I think that maybe you should just take it easy right now" Jasper said placing his hands upon my chest and pushing my back onto the bed so hard my head slammed into the large white pillow.

"Get your hands off of me" I sneered. I was a little take back by the tone of my own voice. I began once again to jump out of the bed that now in caged me.

"Edward, _calm _down" I heard Alice whisper from where she stayed quietly perched behind the door to my room which led into the main halls of the hospital.

"Calm down?!" I sucked the strange smelling air into my erect nostrils. "Tell. Me. Where. She. Is."

It felt like ever never ending in my body was a live wire. I craved to have her warmth burn across my skin, to just still with her in silence and drink in every precious moment I could have her near me.

I jumped off the bed and it was as if my feet disappeared from beneath me as I flew to the door. The looks upon Jasper and Alice's face hurt. Had I really become the monster their facial expressions revealed. I placed my hand upon the door knob reveling in the silence the room had once again engulfed me in.

"Where is she?" I repeated, once more. My stomach felt as if there were about a billon butterflies gracefully flapping there wings within it. Why weren't they telling me?

"She is room… 314" Jasper piped in. "But Edward—" His voice was lost over the roar of the nurses and doctors as I flew out of the dreary room.

Thankfully I was on the third floor. As I ran down the hallway with nothing but a hospital gown on, the faces of the people merged into a mixture of flesh tones. The room numbers sped by until I found the one I sought. 314. The door was shut tightly, along with the ivory coloured blinds. The world seemed to go silent as I placed my hand upon the door handle. The only sound that filled the never ending silence was the creaking of the door. I stepped in quietly closing the door behind and turning to my face to look at one of the only things that mattered to me anymore. My Bella.

The sound of her steady heart rhythm came from one of the many massive machines she was hooked up to. Her small body was buried beneath an astonishing amount of comforters. And as my eyes rose to meet her face, my heart broke into a million piece. She was still beautiful, no mattered what happened, to me, she would always be beautiful. But her elegant features were but a mess covered in the reminisce of blood and bruises. There was no comfort that wait for me in her eyes because those orbs of light were shut, shut tight, and showed no hope of hoping anytime soon.

It felt like something broke deep within my soul 'cause my legs began to feel weak and wobbly. To see her, the girl I had loved since the first time I had met her when we were thirteen to be in should horrible condition, it did something to me, and I knew that seeing her like this would change me forever. To see her lying in that bed so beaten, so broken. It… it broke me heart, too far beyond repair. My legs began to buckle under me; thankfully a chair was placed beside Bella's bed. I sat down and just… collapsed. I could feel the tears begin to spill over, staining my cheeks. My head fell into my waiting hands as everything just crumbled.

The minutes seemed to tick by while the tears showed no sign in stopping. I felt a hand gently placed upon my back.

"Edward, son?" I heard a familiar voice question.

I tried to wipe away my tears but I knew my face gave away my secrets.

"Is she…. Going to be okay?" I blubbered through my tears, thankfully my father worked at the hospital we had been deported to.

The look upon Carlisle face made my stomach lurch.

"Edward… you need to understand" He paused to take a deep breath. "She _was _severely injured" It hurt to know that he was trying to sugar coat things for me. "And because of her injuries… we… we had to induce a coma"

"She's in… a coma?" My hung open in shock. Carlisle nodded as he once again placed a hand upon my back. I extended out my left hand to lightly caress her soft porcelain skin. It felt cold, too cold.

"Edward, I think you should go back to you room, you _did_ have an interesting day" His soft tone implying something more.

"What do you mean, what happened?" _How did I get here? Why did this happen to me?_ So many questions I wanted, _needed_ to ask but never could seem to come out.

"You…. . you passed out, you don't remember?"

"No." I said while peeling my eyes off of my battered beauty.

"Hmm…." Carlisle appeared to be deep in though. "Strange" He continued "Edward, you should really be getting back to your room, get some sleep" He repeated while lightly patting me on the back.

"What….. what about her …… daughter?" I prayed my father knew nothing about Me. Bella. Her.

"You mean, Emma, Bella's daughter?" He asked

"Yes" I managed to sputter out.

"She fine, suffered a minor concussion, but strangely…. nothing _serious, _which _is _quite odd. It's a miracle."

My heart pounded in my chest. She was alright.

"She is a beautiful little one, Bella is lucky to have such a polite and caring girl." He continued.

"Yes….. I know" I said mostly to myself.

Carlisle mouth twitched into an awkward smile. "Edward, go, get some rest. We need to keep you for a might of observation. You were pasted out for nearly five hours." He stated, looking me directly in the eye as if looking for some sort of answer. I gave him a quick smile before I opened the door of Bella's room out in to the crowded hallway. My face collapsed into a dark scowl.

Images of Bella flew through my head making me nearly collapse into an unobservant nurse. The images in my head seemed to have the weighted of nearly a thousand pounds. And as my knees began to buckle, I quietly slipped into my now empty room. I lay there in my room as the silence pounded in my head. I let the memories of Bella from the most recent time she left me storm through my head. Her pulling away in her now battered old red truck. I lay there as I let a single tear fall down my cheek. And now she lay only down the hallway from me completely destroyed. The lids to my all too tired eyes began to drupe letting the hands of sleep wrap me into it's all too welcoming arms.

My dream was different than what I had become a custom to. Sunlight shone down into my pale skin. The warmth of the sun hit me like a brick wall. It was amazing and unlike anything I had ever experienced in my life. I closed my eyes and let the suns rays devour my skin. When I reopened them the surrounding had totally changed around me.

Darkness seemed to seep from every crack in the stone walls. The room was silent, too silent, except for a small murmuring cry that came from the middle of the frigid room.

There in the totally darkness sat a shining star and the light that surrounded her was almost unbearable.

"Edward" It blubbered out.

"Bella?" I questioned from the confides of my darkened corner

"Help, me" The tone her voice took on overwhelmed me, it was as if her pleas had viscously shred me to pieces.

"What do you mean?" I croaked, stepping into the light her body radiated.

"I….. I need you to take care of…. her….. Our daughter." Her doe eyes flashed some emotion that was unreadable.

"But…I….I wont make a good father" I whispered

Bella smiled through her pain stricken tears. "I know you have a heart capable of love, Edward. And with a heart like yours anybody would be lucky to have _you_ as a father" Her words touched me in places I had nearly forgotten.

"I….I promise you, with every fiber in my body, that until you wake up I will look after our daughter." I went to reach for her, to wrap her in my arms, to go to my happy place, to go…. _Home_. But like in my last dream she backed away as if I would physically hurt her.

"If I wake up." I heard her whisper, mostly to herself.

"What… what do you mean?" I questioned, her strangle behavior tugged on my heart strings.

"Nothing" She replied, but before I could ask her anything further a panicked expression crossed her angelic face.

"Edward." She screamed "Edward, _please_ help me!!!"

"_HOW_!!" I croaked back completely frightened as I saw her body begin to fade into the light that surrounded her.

"Tell Me--" But her voice failed her. "Edward, I love yo--" But before she could finish she faded into the over powering light bringing it with her, leaving me utterly alone in the darkness.

My knees buckled under me. I fell onto the hard, cold stone floor.

"Bella, come back, I _need _you, I love you"

My dream abruptly ended just like it had begun. My eye lid flew open to the hospital room.

_Dream, it was just a dream. _I repeated over and over in my head

But really, was it?

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**SO. Sorry again that I didn't post when I got back from Florida its just that there was a lot for me to type.**

**Omgoodness. I personally found this chapter so sad as a wrote it. But I really like writing the dream parts. And trust me those parts are really important. They are the key for saving Bella. Stupid Edward just hasn't figured it out yet.**

**Anyways I will probably be posting around Wednesday of Thursday. Thank you for being so patience while I was in Florida, trust me if I had, had a computer down there I would have posted WAY earlier.**

**I hope you enjoy.**

**Please read and review.**

**Love,**

**Lauren**


	18. Oh Lover, Hold on REAL CHAPTER

_Previously….._

"_Tell Me--" But her voice failed her. "Edward, I love yo--" But before she could finish she faded into the over powering light bringing it with her, leaving me utterly alone in the darkness._

_My knees buckled under me. I fell onto the hard, cold stone floor._

"_Bella, come back, I need you, I love you" _

_My dream abruptly ended just like it had begun. My eye lid flew open to the hospital room._

_Dream, it was just a dream. I repeated over and over in my head_

_But really, was it?_

***************************************************************  
**EDWARD POV  
******************************************

Sleep never found me after the dream. The room was silent and more than anything I wished I could be back home in Chicago in my warm king size bed. But I was here, somehow through my dreams saving the only one that mattered to me. Bella.

The thoughts in my brain seemed to clump together leaving me with only ideas on what to do, how to…. exist. I knew that no matter what I would never be able to be in a world with out her, with my shining star there to help me through my times of darkness. I needed her more than ever, because I felt trapped, as if I was falling in a bottomless pit and I _needed _her to come and safe me. To swoop out if the side lines and safe the day. But I knew that she needed _me_ to be her knight is shining amour. She needed me to save her for her impending doom. But I had no clue _how_. She was in a coma and medically I knew no way how to safe her. All I knew was that I needed to protect the last piece of her I had, my daughter, _our_ daughter. Emma

I wanted to be with Bella only Bella, wanted to watch the skies turn gray to blue with her by my side, to hold her near my and never, ever let go.

I glanced to look out the sheltered hospital window, the once black skies had turn now to and early morning glow of gloom. The stars had disappeared taking the moon with them leaving me having to deal with a brand new day. Quietly I threw the covers off of my heart broken body. My eyes shut as I place my head into my awaiting hands.

"Hmm.." I read a voice say from across the room. My eyes rose to meet the eyes of my …. _Fiancé? Could I still call her that? _The question ran through my head.

"Tanya?" I whispered, my voice still thick with sleep.

"Hello, Edward" She said in a voice that sounded sic kingly sweet. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine" I responded a little too harshly.

A smile played across her full lips. "Oh baby I was _so_ worried, Esme called me and told me what happened, that you blacked out?" She said as she walked over to my bed and threw her arms around me. I could feel my body stiffen and I knew Tanya also felt it but she continued on ignoring it. She began to press her lips all over me my forehead, my arms, my shoulders, _my_ lips. I tried to fight the urge to push her off me but more then anything I wished it was Bella pressing her lips all over me. But it wasn't. It would never be.

"Edward, I forgive you." She whispered in my ear.

"For what?" I asked, playing dumb

"For everything, I realized that no matter what, I want to marry you and to spend the rest of my life with you." She beamed

I didn't know what I could say. I sat there in silence; I could tell she was waiting for answer.

"I…… I…." My words stumbled out.

"Shh…." Tanya whispered in my ear, _trying_ to be sexy, when really her constant pursuit made me feel sick to my stomach.

"Um….. Tanya…." I started but before I could finish my confused sentence her lips mashed into mine. Her breathe on my tongue nearly making me gag. I didn't want her, I didn't want anything to do with her I wanted her to leave and never come back.

But really the only person I was fooling was myself. _Not every story has a happy ending_ I kept repeating in my head. And I knew that no matter how hard I prayed, no matter how hard I wished I would never get _my_ princess. I would never be a knight in shining amour, but most of all I would never be able to live.

Through the overpowering moans escaping Tanya's mouth I heard I light tap on the door.

"Edward…" I heard a familiar voice say. This was my only chance, I pushed Tanya delicate body off my own and jumped out of my hospital bed.

Alice stood in front of me her small features pulled into a furious grimace.

"Edward, someone is….. um, here to see you." Alice mumbled looked Tanya in the eyes. I could feel the tension beginning to rise. Alice flashed her eyes to mine as if desperately trying to make a point.

"Tanya…. Maybe you should step outside for a moment." Alice paused to suck in a deep lung full of air.

"_Make _me." Tanya retorted.

"Excuse me." Alice mumbled. I could feel the anger radiating from her body.

I desperately wanted to wipe Tanya's smug smile off her putrid lips.

"Tanya… just…. _go_." I breathed. Tanya's ice blue eyes flashed to mine and emotion ran through them, but before I could read her naïve thoughts a strange smile spread across her face. A smile that made me _want_ to tell her I was sorry.

"Okay" She replied brokenly.

Tanya shoved herself off the small hospital bed and nearly _ran_ out my hospital room, slamming the door behind her.

My eyes flashed up to Alice's. "What do you want?" I questioned with a quizzical look upon my face.

"Someone wants to see you." Alice said while walking over to the door.

"Who?" I asked while sitting back down upon the hospital bed.

"Edward?" I heard a voice ask for the door. My eyes rose and fell upon her face, heat seethed through my veins and immediately I was in my feet once again. "Emma" My voice cracked. I could feel the tears begin to pool in my eyes. My green coloured orbs swept across her ivory coloured face. It was perfect, it was as if the car accident had never happened and at anytime Bella would come running through the door and I would take both her and Emma in my arms and never look back. _Happily Ever after._

But that was a fantasy land, heaven you could say. And this, _this_ was reality, one consistency in live. In reality Bella was going to die, Emma didn't have a clue that I was her father and I would never get my happy ending.

A small smile swept across my angels face. "Are you okay?" She asked, the worry in her voice sounded exactly like her mother.

I could feel shameful tears begin sweeping down my face. But I smile despite them. "I'm fine." I paused to breathe. "Are you…. _okay?" _

"Grandpa said I was fine." She paused and looked down to her small body "I _feel_ fine" She replied as she climbed up onto my bed. I looked over to where Alice had stood but she was no where in sight. "He said that I am going home with Grandma soon…. until…. Mamma gets……. better." She mumbled, and looked as if she would break down into tears at any moment.

She was going home? She was going to leave me.

"Emma….. your Mamma is going to get better, I promise you." I replied soon regretting my words. No matter how hard I wished, how hard I prayed Bella wouldn't wake up. It was all up to her to open her eyes once again. To look me in the eyes and take me home, to take us both home.

Emma smile graced me with its presents "Thank you, for helping me in the airport." I was astonished at how mature she was for her age. She was four when really she seemed like she could be middle aged.

I felt my face pull up into a strange smile. A smile that I had saved just for her, and right before my eyes her face began to shine with a beautiful smile even more magnificent then my own.

"Your… welcome." I breathed.

A silence engulfed us, but as I sat there her presents seemed to intertwine me into her. Her soul had me in its grip and I had no plan of ever letting it go.

"Are you and Mamma… friends?" She paused to take in a breath. "Because Auntie Alice knows you and Mamma used to talk in her sleep about someone named Edward." She asked looking down the floor as if she was embarrassed by the question.

Bella had dreams about me? My heart seemed to skip a beat.

I thought Bella had forgotten me, never wanted to see me again. But I convinced myself with falsities apparently.

I smiled at Emma. "Yeah, were old friends, I went to school with your mom." I replied looking her directly in the eyes.

Her brown orbs wrinkled around the edges as her face pulled into a angelic smile. "Really?"

"Yup, we were…. Best friends." I said slowly, if we had been best friends then I wouldn't have been in love with her, she wouldn't have been the last thing on my mind before bed and the first thing in the morning. But she was, and no matter how much I just wanted a friend I knew she never would be one. She was my best friend, she was the girl of my dreams, she was the girl I was in love with.

"Really?" She said in a high pitch voice filled with glee. "Does that mean that you can come over to my house one day?" Her eyes searched mine.

"Of course." I smiled reassuringly at her.

Emma was silent for a short moment looking as if she was wrapped deeply within herself.

"So you and Mamma are best friends?" She asked. I nodded my head in agreement. "Then why did you never come and see us, cause me and _my _best friend Alia get together everyday after school." Her face had pulled into a confused frown. I wanted to tell her so bad, I didn't want to be just her Mamma's _friend_, I wanted to be a _Dad_. For the first time in my life it felt like I had something live for. She might be small and even though I had only known about her for two days I felt like I had known her for forever. She was apart of me, she was me and Bella intertwined into one amazing existence. And even if I tried to deny that fact that she was my daughter, to turn away and never look back. She was apart of me, just as much as I was apart of her and my heart would always have open arms waiting to embrace her.

"I just was…..really busy, beside…." _Your Mom didn't want me to know where you were. "_Besides I had to work a lot." I smiled at her trying to show her that my lies were actually the truth. If I had known about her of course I would have looked harder to find where Bella was. But I didn't, and now I had four long years to make up to her.

"Oh…. I see" Her whispered.

I smiled at her again.

"So Emma…..what's your favourtie movie?"

**********************************************

I loved my daughter. I loved her so much it hurt to even think of letting her go. I knew in a day she was going to go back to Renee, Bella's mom. But she couldn't, she wouldn't. The last two hours she had sat on my bed had been euphoric to me.

"Edward..." I heard Alice enter my room. "Dad told me that you're ready to be discharged."

"Oh…" I paused to turn around to look at my sister. The window behind me still quietly was squeaking in the wind. "Okay" I replied in a monotone voice.

Alice's face was full of worry and I could tell the condition she was in wasn't the best. Like usual Alice worried too much about thing that were way out of her hands.

Before I could find words to say Alice turned away to walk out of the room. Her hand slowly turned the doorknob when I finally found my voice. "Alice?" I coughed.

Her body turned around in one swift movement and she had a silly smile slapped across her face.

"_What_ Edward?" She asked her voice full of fake boredness.

"She…. She can't" I mumbled mostly to myself.

Alice rolled her sky blue eyes. "Edward _think_ before you talk" She spat, while all at the same time trying to hide a giggle that was slowly erupting from within her chest.

"Alice, she can't leave. We have to find away to make her stay. She need to be here for her mother." I lied, it was really for me. I was selfish and wanted my little girl all to myself.

"Are you sure it's for Bella?" She smiled. Alice knew me way to well.

" _Alice_" I sighed.

She slowly took her hand off the door knob and came and sat onto my hospital bed.

"So you want her to stay here for her _Mom_, correct?" She asked with a quizzical look upon her porcelain features.

"Right" I mumbled looking her directly into the eyes.

"Alright…." She paused closing her eyes and sucking in the stalk hospital air through her flared nostrils. Her eyes flew open and half her face pulled up into a smile. _She has a plan_. I though excitedly.

"I have a plan." She whispered.

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**Hey everyone.**

**I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry for not post in… three weeks I think it is. **

**I was sick and then I had midterms and all this stuff got piled on me that I didn't have enough time to do this chapter. But finally I sat down and wrote. I took me large part of the weekend to complete it but I tried my best. I hope you liked this chapter. And for now on I am going to be trying to post every Sunday.**

**I PROMISE.**

**Thank you all for begin so patient I really love you guys.**

**I hope you like this chapter.**

**FREAKIN TANYA. Lmaooo . she needs to die.**

**Evil plan? I think so. :) **

**And a plan? Oh Alice and her idea. Got to love her.**

**Anyways until next Sunday.**

**Love you all, **

**Lauren**

**P.S. PLEASE FORGIVE ME.**

**And update next weeks chapter will have a lot more to do with Bella !!!!!! **


	19. Moments Past Us By

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EDWARD POV

*************************************

There she was, looking at me with only what I could see was love. Her eyes melted into mine….and I was home. I wanted to stay in this dream forever, to run up to where she stood in the middle of the cobble stone room, wrap her in my arms, kiss her all over and wake up with her exactly were the dream had left off.

But that wasn't going to happen. She was in a coma, dying, and I couldn't do anything to help her. I was like a fly stuck in a sticky web of doom, I was in spun helplessly and the spider was getting closer every second of every minute.

But there she stood, as beautiful as ever, in my dreams. The only time I could talk to her.

"Edward…" She said in a short mumbled of word. Her voice rang in my head long after her mouth had shut.

The light that surrounded her glimmered with gold and silver and heat that only the sun could posses. The darkness of the room consumed me, much like my last dream. And more than anything I wanted to be part of the light too. To shed the darkness that not only was felt around me, but the darkness that I could feel inside. I wanted my heart to feel light and warm, not dark and cold.

Before I could think I saw my hand reach out to touch the angel the stood there in front of me.

"Bella…" I whispered, as a felt shameful tears spill down both cheeks. I walked over to where her feet were placed….and just _fell_. I didn't care how hard my knees bashed against the cold stone floors.

I closed my eyes and _cried_. I wanted Bella to wrap me in her delicate arms. But….she didn't…. she just _stood_ there in front of me, arm place gently on her face, as if to shield herself …..from _me_….

"Bella…" I cried relentlessly.

I rose from the ground as my eyes searched her hidden face. I heard a sob escaped her covered lips.

"Bella? Why…why are you crying?" I mumbled, keeping my hands to myself knowing that she might disappear again, and I could not put myself through that.

"Because Edward…." She paused, to remove her hands from her face. Tears poured from her beautiful brown eyes. Her porcelain looking skin as pale as ever. "Because…I love you."

Her ora exploded into a rainbow of colours that lit ever corner of the darkened room.

Again her face flashed with worry and sadness as the colour began to creep away from the darkness back to her heart.

"Bella" I screamed has her figure began to dissolve into the colours around her. "Why don't you understand?" I screamed again. "I _love_ you" I laughed a short frightened giggle. "I've always love you."

Slowly a brilliant smile graced her features and her translucent hand reached out towards mine.

Before I knew it my hand rose to meet hers.

Are fingers were so close yet so, _so_ far away. When a bloodcurdling scream filled my ears and Bella disappeared all together.

My eyes flew open and I was greeted by Alice's cold spare bedroom. I pulled the blankets around my head trying to block out the light that shone in from the French styled window. _Light. _I though to myself. _In Fork? _With this I threw the sheets off me and stumbled to the window. Light hit the trees cascading bright green colours into my eyes.

Smells flew up from the heating vent to greet my awaiting nose; smells of food and coffee, telling me that someone was obviously awake. I quickly opened the door of my 'bedroom' leading down to the kitchen. Cold bit at my toes causing me to speed up my slow pace strut. I could hear the low mumbled of Alice and Jasper's voice as I placed my hand upon the door the lead to the kitchen.

"He's her father, Jasper…"

"Al, you read all the letters she sent you, she would die for that little girl, she would die for him." Jasper mumbled

"He's just to stubborn to realize what's been right in front of him…" Alice's voice trailed off as I entered the kitchen.

"Good morning." I whispered, afraid my voice would fail me.

"How was your sleep, Edward?" Jasper asked from across the table his face buried deep into the entertainment section of the Saturday newspaper. After the comments I heard him and my sister making, he was obviously trying to shield the guilt that radiated from his eyes.

"Uneventful" I lied.

"No dreams" My sister piped in from where she stood over the stove._ Of course Alice would ask something like that. _I though to myself.

"Um… no, not really" I paused to suck in a nose full of pancakes. "How about you?" I breathed through my clenched teeth.

"Nothing new." She said quickly.  
Silence engulfed us like a thick blanket.

"Edward…." Alice voice trailed off to a low whispered as she sat down to eat her buttermilk pancakes.

My eyes immediately rose to meet her ice blue orbs. "Are you ready for….." She dropped her eyes to pancakes that sat in front of her.

"For….. today" I said, completing the sentence I knew was about to grace her lips.

Jasper looked to his wife, and I knew that he felt completely out of place. Jasper had never been a good liar and for that Alice had decided to keep him out of the loop.

The plan had been simple, and once we had arrived at Alice's place it had went into action.

Alice was planning on lying….

Lying to our parents….

Lying to Charlie….

Lying to……. most of all……ourselves.

We knew that no matter how hard we tried we couldn't keep things a secret forever. Sooner or later Emma would find out I was her father, Charlie would find out that Alice had lied about taking care of his grandchild and our parents would find out that they had an unexpected present… a grand daughter.

Our tightly wrapped package would soon be unraveled and it contents would be throw about, leaving us to clean up the mess.

All I wanted was my daughter. All I wanted was for the love of my life to wake up again.

All I wanted was to be happy.

"So she's…..coming today" Jasper said abruptly cutting off my train of thought.

"Yes…" Alice mumbled slowly "Charlie's dropping her off anytime; he said that he wants to check in every once in awhile though."

"And Edward's going to be watching her?" Jasper asked, his voice sounded to be thick with worry. What did he think, I was incapable of taking care of my own flesh and blood?

"Right, while we are at work Edward is going to watch _his_ daughter." Alice clenched her ultra white teeth. _I guess I wasn't the only one who noticed Jasper tone._ I thought to myself.

Got to love my sister.

Jasper's eyes caught mine and he looked as to be searching for something lost deep within me. I quickly re-directed my green coloured orbs to the wooden table.

Just as my eyes began to trace the lines deeply imbedded in the wood the door bell rang. All three of our heads shot up, each of our face were a reflection of the same rush of emotions. Fear, anxiety, but most of all our faces were filled with excitement.

I was finally going to get to know my little girl.

I was finally going to try to be the father I knew I could be.

Finally I had some worth living for.

"Edward…" Alice said as she pushed away from the table. "Go up stairs….if Charlie found out you were here….. then…." She trailed off. Truth be told, Charlie didn't like me much after what I had done to Bella. I had been a naïve teenager who let what people think get in the way of actually acting on feeling. I broke Bella's beautiful heart, while in the process of breaking my own. I loved her more than anything then….and now. And if I had set my stupid pride aside and just loved her like I was meant to… I wouldn't be in the predicament I was in now.

"He won't let her stay…" Jasper blurted out finishing his wife's sentence.

"Exactly" Alice said while looking my directly in the eyes. Her face showed some sort of emotion I was to after to decode.

"Alright, I will be upstairs" I breathed, turning my head away from the scene that lay in front of me.

I quietly pasted the front door where Charlie, the father of the woman I was in love with, the grandfather of my child… stood. More then anything I wanted to get on my feet and beg for forgiveness. But again a key factor in never getting my happy ending got in the way. One stupid emotion that destroys everything it touches. Pride.

I stumble up the stairs to my small spare bedroom. I could hear the low mumbles of voices from down below, _he_ was down there.

I felt my body give way as I slumped down onto the bed the lay beneath me. The blankets consumed me. My eyes began to shut, the hum of voice were almost like a lullaby. Before I knew it my eyes had closed once again and my mind now wandering somewhere in between consciousness and sleep.

Images began to flash in front of my darken eyes. Images of the past flew in front of my closed lips so fast it all seemed to be a blur of light.

Something in my mind, deep within told me to _concentrate_….._focus_ on the images.

As I did so each image had one thing in common, Bella.

Each image that flew by my closed lids all included images of the girl I loved.

The first time we met…

The first time she blushed bright red…..as Mike and Tyler taunted her.

The first time I saw her cry…..when she fell down into my arms.

The first time I held her in my arms.

The first time I kissed her.

The first time I realized this is what loving someone fells like.

Abruptly the images stop and my eyes flew open to the pale white walls of Alice's spare room.

"Edward?" I heard a tiny voice ask from the foot of my bed.

Immediately I sat up and faced the little girl sitting before me.

"Emma" I sighed. Her auburn hair was pulled back into a messy pony tail. Her ringlets were all out of place. _Charlie at least tried_. I thought to myself. Alice probably had, had a conniption.

I internally chuckled.

"Auntie Alice said that we were going to spend to day together." She beamed. A little part of me hoped that she was as excited at the idea as I was. The smile gave me that answer.

"Yeah, we are" I flashed me teeth back in her direction. I tossed my feet off the bed and jumped up.

"So…." I started "Is your Auntie Alice and Uncle Jazz at work yet?" I asked as I scooted her off the matters so that I could make back up my bed.

She nodded her head.

"Okay…." I paused to close my eyes, hoping that maybe Bella's face would still be there…but it wasn't. "What do you want to do today?"

She redirected her eyes for moment, looking at the floor rather than my face. Her cheeks blushed an all too familiar scarlet red.

Her chocolate brown eyes found mine again.

"Would it be okay…." She stopped mid sentence to fiddle with a lose string that hung from her blue shirt. "If we visited….my Mamma?" She whispered in a weak voice. Bella not begin here was obviously have the hard affect on Emma. I could tell from the look she had in her eyes.

I smiled my most reassuring smile. "Of course, today _is_ Emma Day." I spoke to her in a clear voice.

Her face pulled up into a half smile. "Okay"

I pulled the last corner of my sheet into place and reached from my little girl's baby soft hand.

She grabbed on to mine with the force of only one who was truly determined.

Together we walked out to my rented sliver Volvo, hand in hand.

*******************************************************************  
BELLA POV  
**********************************************

Time made no sense to me. It was as if I was halfway to my dream land and halfway in reality. I had no clue what was going on, all I knew was that if the ever pressing darkness that surrounded me smothered the light I was now radiating… I would die.

I couldn't die.

I wouldn't die.

I needed to see my little girls face again. To hold her in my arms and bring her home.

I need to look in his eyes and feel as if I was swimming in emerald waters.

For this to happen I needed to fight, I needed to pull through. To find some way out of my eternal slumber. To open my eyes and see the sunrise, smell the flower, grab hold of the things, the people in my life and never let go.

I didn't have a clue how many days were pasting. If it had been a minute, a day, a month, a _year_.

There was no way to be certain, all I knew is that at times I would be graced with presences. I would be able to hear their voices, but no matter how hard they touch I wouldn't be able to feel. It was like I was numb.

And then there was Edward, for some reason he would come to me.

He was the only one that could enter my coble stone dungeon, and when I was his face I knew there was some sort of hope. Some way that maybe I could pull through this.

The darkness still hung around me like a sickness. It clung to my skin as if it were glue.

Sitting in this darkened stone dungeon I realized a few things. I realized life is beautiful, we sometimes barely make it, it complicated. But there are miracles, those little points of hope and opportunities, but sometimes we let all those moments past us by.

And I realized that in my life I let some many moments past me. Moments that I knew, I would never get back… no matter how hard I tried.

I wanted Edward to love me.

I wanted things between us to be normal. I wished that I had been strong enough to tell him four years ago why I had truly left.

I wish that he would have witnessed Emma's first steps, first words… first everything.

But it was all too late.

He was engaged….

Emma didn't have a clue he was his father…

And I would never wake up…

As the darkness began it never ending approach… _again_. I heard voices, the voice's of my angels.

"Do you think she's ever going to wake up again?" I heard my baby ask.

"If you wish enough, hope enough, then one day she will open her eyes." I heard him whisper, choosing his words carefully.

The voice in the back of my mind whispered the same things it always did when he was around. _He doesn't love you._

I couldn't believe that though. I had to keep believing that he did love me and that one day _soon_ I would wake up and he would wrap me in his arms and never let go.

"You sure..?" I heard uncertainly grace her tiny voice.

There was a silence for a moment and I feared that I had lost them again. But his voice filled my ears once more.

"Positive." He assured.

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EDWARD POV

***********************************************

Bella still lay silently as we left her small hospital room. _What I would give for her to open her eyes_.

Emma and I walked hand and hand out toward the hospital parking lot. The hallways of the hospital provided us enough protection from my father. But if he saw me with Emma, there would be to many questions. He was a smart man he could together two and two.

And because of that Emma and I walked as fast as her little legs could take her.

Just as we reached the doors that lead out into parking lot I saw a flash of blonde, red hair out of the corner of my eye.

"Edward?" I heard a high voice ask. A voice that made my skin crawl.

_Tanya_…. "Tanya!" I said in a voice chucked full of care.

Tanya came over and touched my shoulder. I fought the urge to hit her hand. _Be a gentleman Edward… gentleman_.

"I was coming to see if they had discharged you yet, I gu— " She stopped mid sentence. Her eyes trailed down to Emma's who now quietly hid behind me.

"Who's this?" She asked, her voice trying to sound sweet and caring, sounded more like a snake with to much poisonous venom in its mouth.

"Her name is Emma." I said in a monotone voice.

"That's a pretty name" She said again in that disgusting voice.

Tanya's eyes came back to mine.

"Who's is she?" She voice thankfully had returned to normal.

"Bella's" I replied again in the same emotionless voice.

I began to walk again out towards my car. But like a lost puppy, Tanya trailed behind.

"Oh yeah, I heard Alice mumbling on about something like that." She paused for a moment. _If she had heard Alice talking about Emma then……_ I could see a light bulb went off in her head.

_Shit_.

I could see her eyes give Emma a once over, then me, then Emma again.

"She's looks—she's yo— you and Bel— Oh my God." She looked as if she was about to explode.

"Tanya _shut up_." I sneered.

She was reddened and I could tell that my harsh tone a stuck her somewhere deep.

"Just _go_ home." I said in a shaky voice.

She looked to be on the verge of tears. Either because of the news that I had a child or because of my intimidating voice.

_Intimidating voice._ I though to myself.

"You _better_ not tell _anyone_ who doesn't need to know. Got it." I barked.

She nodded. Gave Emma a look. Gave me a look. And walked away.

As she turned around to walk towards her car, I could see what looked to me a smug smile upon her putrid lips.

_This was not going to be the end of this._

I grabbed Emma's hand and walked toward my sliver Volvo.

"I don't like her." Emma whispered.

Through all my worry she put a smile on my face.

"Me neither." I agreed.

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**EWWWWW Tanya. :| **

**What a little shit. **

**GRR.**

**Anyways, sorry I didn't post on Sunday, this chappie was a little longer and it took me till Monday night to finish**

**Anyways. I don't know if you guys thought that Bella thing was weird or not, just give me your opinion.**

**So next weeks chapter in going to be INTENSE. Because of the certain information Tanya (aka. The loser) found out.**

**PLEASE read and review.**

**Love you all.**

**And if you wondering if and when Bella's going to wake up. Hang in there. The chapter when "something" happens with her is going to be EPIC. And I will be prob. n like one or two chapter.**

**I will try my best to pos Sunday, but I have really busy weekend so if it not posted by Sunday it will be later in the week :)**

**Love**

**Lauren**


	20. My Eyes Rain Like Autumn

_**Previously…**_

_She nodded. Gave Emma a look. Gave me a look. And walked away._

_As she turned around to walk towards her car, I could see what looked to me a smug smile upon her putrid lips._

_This was not going to be the end of this._

_I grabbed Emma's hand and walked toward my sliver Volvo._

"_I don't like her." Emma whispered._

_Through all my worry she put a smile on my face._

"_Me neither." I agreed._

**Songs of the chapter:**

"**Makeup Smeared eyes" Automatic love letter.**

"**Hush" Automatic love letter.**

"**Falling in love at a coffee shop" Landon Pigg**

*****************************************************************  
EDWARD POV

************************************************

School. The place was supposedly there to get you ready for the real world, to gently guide you down the right paths in life. It taught you English, it taught you geography and it taught you math. For the longest time I believed life could be as simple as adding one and two together, it would equal three. I got it, I understood it.

But now as I sat on Alice's black leather couch I realized I never got it. No matter how much I would have liked to convince myself that I understood life and that nothing would ever surprise me. Everything surprised me.

"Edward…" Alice walked into her darkened living room "What are you doing wake?"

What time was it? I had been too caught up in my thought to even ponder the time.

"Couldn't fall asleep.." I trailed off as my gaze changed away from my sister face of pity to the window, where the moon, high in the sky shone, casting a sliver glow across my face.

"Edward…" I heard my all too observant sister sigh. I could hear her walk over to where I sat and place a small hand in my shoulder.

I glanced up to Alice's small face, her blue eyes shone like stars in the moon's illumination.

I needed to tell her Tanya had found out, I needed her help. I didn't know what to do. What if Tanya told people? What is Tanya told Emma?

I couldn't let that happen, but as the words began to form in my mouth, I couldn't find my voice. I was scared and tired of asking Alice for help.

_But what was family for..._ I thought to myself.

"I need your help..." I whispered.

Before I knew it Alice was at my side.

"What?"

"She knows…" I trialed off.

"Who?" Alice's eyes flew over my face.

"Tanya."

"_Shit_."

"Alice… what the _hell _are we going to do?" I asked tearing my gaze away once more; to afraid to see what emotions were going to be flying through her eyes.

"_Why _can't life just be simple." She murmured.

**********************************************************************  
BELLA POV  
**********************************************

My head fell into my hands as I felt the darkness tickle my cheeks. The more I thought of home the deeper the darkness seeped into my soul.

For several….days……….I had noticed the light I used to radiate, fade. The luminosities that surrounded me were becoming dimmer and dimmer.

I was dying…

Even though I didn't want to admit it, I knew it was the truth. And I knew it was the answer I was searching for; I felt it in my soul.

When I had been little and fantasized how my life would turn out this had not been one of my many options.

I was going to grow old; I was going to watch Emma grow in to a beautiful woman, maybe…..even….get my happy ending.

But life took unexpected turns, and I knew that. I knew I would probably never get anything I dreamt of.

The silence of the room rippled when an unexpected noise was heard from the darkness. My head shot up, my eyes pulled together in a squint as I tried to make out the features of the figure that was slowly approaching me.

"Bella.." I heard a grief stricken voice call from the shadows. But only one voice could make me fell like what I was at this moment.

"Edward?" As soon as my voice broke the words before me, he stepped out into the dim light I was radiating.

I wanted so hard to touch him, to place my face on his silk soft skin. But I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried to reach out towards him, I couldn't.

I could feel warm tears spill over my rims.

"Bella, what's wrong?" His face had turned into a grimace. Even in his baggie pajamas he still looked beautiful.

"I want to go home." I breathed. Turning my back to him so that he couldn't see the tears that now rolled down my face.

I heard him sigh; out of the corner of my eye I saw his hand reach out to touch me. _Please Edward, I need you_. I thought to myself. But as soon as it reached out, it flew back down to his side.

_He doesn't love you. _I heard the voice in my head whisper. _He's never going to love you. _

What if what this voice was saying was true, that no matter how hard I hope, no matter how hard I wished, he would never love me?

"Bella, you're going to go home…." He trailed off. His words of comfort only made me feel worse. My insides felt as if they were bleeding. And I knew only one person could stop my internal hemorrhaging.

I turned around so that I could look directly in his eyes. But as I did so his feature began to fade into the darkness that now had him in its grips.

"_Edward" _I screamed. "You _can't_ leave me, I need you, I love you."

"_Bella_" His hand reach out successfully towards mine. "I will _always_ love you."

A smile played across my lips.

Our finger tips touched and electric waves shot through my body. Light filled every corner of my dungeon.

And he was gone.

"_Edward!_" I screamed once more even though I knew how useless my voice was.

I could feel my throat tighten and all the tears I had kept hidden within my eyes split over onto my warm face.

"_Please_, come back…" I trailed off.

"I need to go _home_……"

**************************************************************************  
EDWARD POV  
*********************************************

I could feel my clothes stick to my skin as I flew out of my bed. The sun was covered by the all too consuming clouds but even in the grey gloom I could tell it wasn't early enough to rise.

My head flew back against the pillow. The only sound I could hear in the eerie silence was the beat of my own heart. It pounded in my ears like a drum.

That dream had been all too vivid. It had felt as if she was actually there with me, as if I could actually touch her.

_Close your eyes_. My mind was telling me. But I couldn't, I wouldn't in fear of having to face the longing to touch again, the longing to hold her. The emotions were something in which felt as if it over powered me; knocked me down upon my knee and never had a plan of letting me up.

But the war raging between mind and mattered finally came to close as matter won, once again. My eyes closed and thankfully and I fell into a restless slumber. My sleep as usual was always incomplete, always bittersweet.

**************************************************************************

"Edward?" I heard a small voice whisper from beside me.

"Emma!" I sat straight up in my comfortable bed. _What time was it? Had I slept in to late?_

Crap.

I glanced over to the clock to find that it was only 5:30am. It had been ten minutes since I had at last finally closed my eyes. It had been ten minutes of soundless, restless sleep.

"I'm sorry…." She paused, her eyes slightly puffy around the edges. "I didn't mean to scare you..." She trailed off. She started to crawl off my bed, placing her small feet onto the freezing wooden floors.

"Emma..." I started. She turned her auburn head towards mine, her brown eyes glistening in tears. "What's… wrong?" I stumbled with my words, not quite sure how to approach the situation.

"I just… I ….had a bad dream" She frowned slightly.

"Oh."

"Can I maybe…sleep in your bed?" She whispered quietly.

_My little girl…_

"Sure." I smiled while pulling the covers down so that she could crawl in beside me.

"Thanks." She smiled a weak smile in my general direction.

We pulled the covers up to our head, rolled over and shut our eyes.

_Father like daughter I suppose…_ I thought to myself, smiling as I drifted back off into a numb slumber.

************************************************************************

The next thing I knew was the sound of my cell phone ringing. I threw the covers off me and stumbled towards the sound of my phone.

"Hello?" I whispered quietly, afraid to wake Emma.

"Edward?" It was Carlisle.

"Hey, Dad."

"Edward… I…I… have some bad news." He whispered, his voice filled quietly with emotion.

My heart dropped.

"Wh-what do you _mean_?" I murmured.

"It's Bella."

I could feel my throat tighten involuntarily.

"She… She… stopped breathing this morning." He continued.

Tears now filled my eyes. _She's dead._

"No."

"We had to hook her up to a respirator…its no looking very good." He breathed quietly into the phone.

"You mean … sh-she's still alive." Even though the news he had just shared with me wasn't some of the best my heart still lighten a notch.

"Yes, but she's not in good condition…" He trailed off.

My heart stung like the feeling of a million bees. "I understand…." I paused to intake a deep breath. "Look Dad, I need to go. But I will probably be down to the hospital a little later. Thanks"

"Okay, Good-bye Edward." The phone line went dead.

I stood there in the middle of the gray coloured bedroom for what seemed to feel like forever.

She was slowly dying. I knew it was the truth no matter how much I would like to believe differently.

She was dying. Emma would be left without a mom. And I…I would be left without a soul, without a future, without a _heart_.

"Edward?" I heard Emma whispered from where she sat in the middle of the queen sized bed. Her auburn locked tangled in massive knots.

"What's wrong?" Her voice was full of concern.

"Nothing" I tried to smile, fully unaware until that moment that tears silently cascaded down my flushed cheeks.

"You're crying..." She trailed off, crawling out of the bed.

_You have to be strong_.

I stiffed a laugh. "Don't worry about me." I smiled.

She smiled back but I could tell that she did not full believe me.

I glanced quickly at the clock that sat beside the bed. 7am.

"Emma, I'll be right back." I said as I nearly ran out of my bedroom.

The stairs blurred under feet as my mind continued to spin out of control.

Finally I made it to the kitchen.

"Alice." I breathed as I push the french doors open that brought me into her beautiful kitchen.

Both Jasper and Alice's faces flashed the same emotion as I stumbled my way to the chair.

"Edward, what the hell..." Alice trailed off. Tears continued to pour for my green eyes.

"We need to go the hospital."

***************************************************************************

I knew Bella was going to die.

We were all going to die one day, and sometimes, like today I believed that maybe the only reason of living was to die.

Death, it was easy, living is hard.

As I walked do the familiar hallways of the hospital I realized… the hardest part of living, is just taking breaths to stay.

And I knew without Bella each breathe would be harder then the first one.

People, time, places made no sense to me as I blindly walked towards Bella hospital room. I knew that Alice and Emma walked hand in hand behind me but I couldn't see them, everything was slowly becoming darker and darker.

I push open the gray coloured door and just stood there.

She was beautiful, even with tubes sticking out of her mouth. The beeping of her heart on the monitor was what filled the silence that now slowly engulfed me.

She couldn't die, I wouldn't let it happen.

I needed her, like a human being needs oxygen. And she was in this situation all because of me.

All because I was too much of a pussy back in high school to work up the nerve to tell her that I actually loved her.

All because I didn't hold on to her longer.

All because when she left me I didn't go looking for her, I moved away and wallowed in my self pity.

She was dying because of me.

And there was no way I could stop it.

"Edward," I heard Alice whisper as she placed a small hand upon my board shoulder.

I wanted to look at Alice, but I couldn't seem to take away my eyes for her.

"Edward, I think you should sit down.." Until then I didn't realize that once again I was crying.

I heard Emma whimper from beside Alice.

Finally I tore my eyes away and looked down at my little girl. In the moment she looked so much like her mother that it killed me.

It felt as if my heart exploded.

"Emma," I whispered, as I sat down in the chair that was conviently placed beside Bella.

Her eyes shot up to my face, and I noticed at that moment that she was crying as well.

"Oh Emma, don't cry.." I whispered, patting my leg for her to sit down.

She slowly but surely crawled up.

"Don't cry" I whispered again.

She placed her small head down upon my shoulder.

"Emma," I heard Alice pipe in again, until then I had totally forgot the Alice was even there beside us.

Watching her best friend forever sleeping.

"How about we go to the cafeteria for something to eat?" Alice said in a pain stricken voice.

Her desperate attempts of keeping her emotion to herself were slowly being reveled.

Emma eyes were once again on my face.

I smiled slightly.

"Go" I whispered.

She shook her head.

"Go, get something to eat." I whispered a little bit louder this time.

Her eyes looked into mine.

And finally she slide off my lap and placed her hand into Alice's.

The quietly left the room, both of their eyes still on Bella's porcelain face.

The door shut, and I was alone.

"Oh _Bella.._." I sighed inwardly to myself.

"Why cant life ever be easy…?" I trailed off.

_Why am I talking to myself?_

"Bella, I'm so, so sorry.

************************************************************************  
BELLA POV**

**********************************************

His voice rang in my ears.

It rang like bells in which only angels could posses. Truth be told he was my angel.

"Bella, I'm so, so sorry" He trailed off.

Even though I couldn't see his face I knew he was crying. I want so hard to reach out and wipe away his beautiful tears.

But destiny was calling me. Death was whispering words of hate in my ear. Drowning me in darkness, making it harder to breath. With every breath, I got a little deeper in my web of lies.

"Bella, I'm so sorry I never told you how I actually felt about you." He paused and my dying heart pounded in my chest. "All through high school... I was too much of an asshole to stop caring what people thought. That was one of the only things besides you that mattered to me."

Tears of light were now sliding down my face.

"And Bella if you had told me about Emma I would have loved that little girl with my whole soul. She's the only place that you and I can be together forever. We will live on within her and ….. her children to come."

He stopped and I heard a sob rip through him.

Sobs now shook my body from head to toe.

"But Bella, if you die. If you don't wake up, I don't know what I'll do. I need you. I needed you all along, since the first day I realized that this is what loving someone feels like."

_Oh Edward…_

"But Bella no matter what, no matter what happens. I will be there." He paused.

"I love you Bella, I have loved you ever since we've been thirteen. So…. no matter what… I will _always_ love you."

My heart exploded and light shone everywhere. My feet no longer touched the ground and I flew; higher and higher until once again I was home.

********************************************************************  
EDWARD POV**

**************************************

"I will _always_ love you" The words that I had kept in my head for so long finally filled the air around me.

"I can't do this anymore." I whisper mostly to myself. My head fell on to her bed.

And I cried.

I cried so hard that I thought I would die.

_Bella I love you so much_.

I was so consumed in tears that when I felt something touch I jumped. My head flew up and I sat erect in my chair.

Nobody was in the room besides me. My eyes darted around the room, looking at the door, the closet.

_No one._

My eyes slowly fell back upon Bella's face.

"_NURSE!"_ I screamed.

. There she lay with the most brilliant, triumphant smile upon very cherry lips.

Her big brown eyes fell upon my face and I noticed that tears were filling them slowly.

"Oh Bella..." I laughed.

Finally once again, I was home.

*********************************************************************  
**YEAH!!!**

**Probably a lot of you are thinking. FINALLY.**

**I know I know it took a while for her to wake up.. but I'm all about suspense.**

**So finally she's wake and Bella and Edward are going to live happily ever after.**

**MUAHHAA.**

**Think not.**

**Where's Tanya?**

**Where's the nurse? ( well that doesn't really have anything to do with anything but wateves.)**

**But WHERE'S TANYA?**

**Well you will just have to wait and see.**

**And is she going to spill her knowledge to lets say Carlisle and Esme? **

**Maybe… :)**

**Or maybe, just maybe she has an evil plan to get back at Edward for not loving her. MAYBE its something that will make him NEED to love her.**

**Hehehehehehe **

**Until next time..**

**Love you all and thank you for waiting so long.**

**Lauren W **


	21. AUTHORS NOTE important

**IMPORTANT**

Hey guys. So I am EXTERMLY SORRY that I haven't posted in what like 4 months! I feel horrible and I should.

I love all of you, and just now I was like, hey I'm going to go and read my story (I know nerd) and I was reading all the comments and it made me want to write again. So just to let you know I have the next chapter ready at the moment, and one in the works. Just waiting for my beta to read them. She's being difficult.

Sooo, I'm REALLY REALLY SORRRYY.

You guys can shoot me if you want.

But I enjoy life, soo I'd really rather not.

Because I haven't posted in awhile and usually after four months of someone not posting I forget everything.

So heres where we left off:

"_But Bella, if you die. If you don't wake up, I don't know what I'll do. I need you. I needed you all along, since the first day I realized that this is what loving someone feels like."_

_Oh Edward…_

"_But Bella no matter what, no matter what happens. I will be there." He paused._

"_I love you Bella, I have loved you ever since we've been thirteen. So…. no matter what… I will always love you."_

_My heart exploded and light shone everywhere. My feet no longer touched the ground and I flew; higher and higher until once again I was home_

(OH and Tanya was being a little shishcabob. )

I love you guys, and I hope that you still love me too.

You don't have to read the story anymore, but I'd really like it if you did.

So stay tuned for the next chapter in a few days :)

Love,

Lauren


	22. Truth Is, I've Missed You

_Hey guys, _

_So as you probably know I haven't posted in an extremely long time and because I am posting a new chapter right now I know many of you probably don't remember what going on so here is a short summary of everything so far._

**Bella and Edward were friends since they have been little, with Edward in high school being popular and sought after Bella the nerd always felt and little lonely not to mention she was bullied by Tanya.**

**One fateful night when they were seventeen changed everything (BIRDS AND THE BEES INSERT) Bella got pregnant. Not wanting to ruin Edward's life she left vowing to never talk to him or Alice her best friend and his sister ever again; though she kept in contact with Alice through letters.**

**For four years Edward has no clue where Bella is and Bella wants to keep it that way. Until on day Alice decided to get married, she convinced Bella to come back to Forks for the wedding convinced Edward wouldn't show up for it, he had not been talking with his family in a while.**

**Even though Edward is not showing up according to Alice, Bella still tries to leaving Emma (EDWARD AND BELLAS DAUGHTER) with her mother Renee. Renee unfortunately was leaving with her husband Phil to travel for his job. Bella therefore had to bring Emma with her. **

**She gets to Forks and stays with her father, seeing no sign of Edward. Until one night in the grocery store when she sees him. **

**She still goes to the wedding and sees him, lucky Emma is at home. But one thing she is not expecting is that he is there with the girl that used to be cruel to her, Tanya. **

**Edward and Bella share a kiss, reminding Bella of whom she is and her daughter. She wants to run, and does, but not soon enough. She is informed that Tanya and Edward are engaged to be married. **

**She leaves gathering Emma and saying goodbye to Charlie, at the same time Tanya the woman Edward as tried to convince himself to love pulls a move on him and he moans Bella's name. Not wanting to be in Forks anymore and have the reminders of her he goes to the airport.**

**Bella and Edward are both in the same airport when Emma gets separated from Bella only to find Edward. Him having no idea who she is tries to help her find her mother. And when he does Bella drops the bomb on him and tells him that Emma is his daughter.**

**Both missing there flights decide to head home, it is late and Bella passes out at the wheel resulting in a car crash and ultimately a coma and Emma left with only scratches.**

**Emma still not knowing Edward is her father saying with Auntie Alice for a week because Charlie has to work. Emma gets to know Edward better and Edward realizes how much he actually loves her. Tanya also finds out that Emma is Edwards daughter. Carlisle and Esme still have no idea.**

**Bella appears to Edward in his dreams and just as her condition is getting worse and worse she wakes up.**

_**And that is where we left off.**_

**************************************************************  
**BELLA POV**

*************************************

My eyes fell upon his face, the face of the angel that stood before me.

It had been so long since I had seen his features in person, so long since I had been able to touch him. Reach out and grab what I knew belonged to me.

"Oh Bella..." He sighed.

_Oh Edward… _

My mouth opened but no noises came out. I was speechless.

I could feel warm tears rolling down my face.

"_Nurse!"_ I heard him scream once again.

As his voice filled my ears about three nurses scurried into my small hospital room.

Each of their face revealed the same amount of emotion. This was nothing new to them, people here in a place of death had miracles ever single day. People who had been in a solemn slumber for years suddenly awake. People who had been affected by tumors suddenly are cancer free.

Miracles they happen ever day, but me…I never thought that I was one of those fortunate few.

I spent my life hoping, praying for miracles and when I finally let myself forget my desire, I got what I wanted, what I needed.

Edward towered over my bed with eyes that shone like lighthouse in a fog filled bay. Those lights were calling me home, home into his arms.

But once I got over the light there was only one emotion filling them.

_Love_.

Love for me.

Love for life.

Love for everything.

My heart swelled with the feeling of a thousand butterflies.

I was so close to my happy ending, so close I could smell it.

"Edward." I finally croaked.

Things, places, smells were now all coming back to me slowly but surely. My eyes stung, adjusting to the light after being closed so long. Life now had a new meaning for me; something that I never knew could be possibly. Everything was so clear, so fresh.

This was my new beginning.

My rebirth.

I knew that I had so much time left, but I also knew that at any second everything could change. Someone could die, someone could get hurt… I could die, I could get hurt.

My new appreciation for life made my head swim with uncertainty.

But he was my clarity, the fog of my indecisions faded when I looked into his green eyes, green eyes from which water flowed from like a rain shower.

"Edward?" I heard a small voice ask from the door.

I tore my eyes away just in time to see my baby. Her hair was pulled back into a French braid, and her eyes were slightly swollen.

Her beauty one in which could only be described in the longest paragraphs of the longest books.

"_Mamma!_" She cried.

Her little feet couldn't get her to my bed side fast enough.

"Mamma!" She sobbed.

Edward gently picked her up and placed her beside me. This made me cry, harder.

I always new he was going to make a good father.

"Oh baby" I whispered into her sweet smelling head, my arms weak with sleep couldn't be lifted to support her fragile body. My breath came out in dragged lulls, my lung still not used to breathing on their own.

"Mamma, you've been asleep for too long." She cried

"I'm sorry" Was the only thing I could form in my mouth.

"Don't ever fall asleep again, okay?" She breathed into my shoulder.

I laughed slightly "_Anything_ for you"

It felt like I held her in that moment for eternity, my baby girl still fit perfectly into my arms, just like the first time I had held her and no matter what she would continue to fit like a puzzle piece into my heart, the only place she would ever be safe from the harshness of the world.

Alice soon appeared beside me, her smile one that withheld the power of a hundred watt light bulb. My tired arms attempted to reach out to her, but I failed miserably "Come on Emma, lets go to the bathroom." She said while pulling Emma successfully into her small arms.

Alice and my daughter quietly left the room leaving me and Edward alone, with a fancy array on doctors and nurses checking my charts and playing around with my fluids.

I turned my head from where a woman named Susan disconnected and reconnected a new package of fluids to keep me hydrated, _he _was looking at me and I was looking back, letting my many emotions pool into my eyes

"I've missed you." I blurted out.

A smiled played across his lips.

"You don't even understand… " He smiled a smile that made my fragile heart flutter, his hand gently touch my check and my eyes closed. The feeling of his skin against mine made me shiver.

Suddenly his hand fell from my face. My eyes flew open. Edward's hand was now at his side. His eyes directed towards the door.

_Carlisle_; his expression was one of furry, and frustration.

"Bella." Carlisle breathed. He was looking at me but out the corner of my eye I could see that he was shooting draggers at Edward; _If looks could kill._

"How are you feeling, any dizziness?" Carlisle asked while shining a light into my sensitive eyes.

"I feel fine." I replied trying to smile but failing miserably.

He smiled back, but it never reached his eyes.

"Well, we'll have to bring you for a head CT either today or tomorrow." He mumbled while scribbling something down onto a clip board.

"Just rest right now, maybe without visitors." When the heck did Carlisle start acting like a bitter old man? How much had possibly changed in the two weeks I had been aimlessly wandering my dreams.

"Edward," Carlisle directed his gaze. Until that moment I had been to consumed in my ponderings to even realize Edward was there best side me, holding my hand.

_Oh how I've missed you…_

"Can I talk to you outside for a moment?" Carlisle muttered while walking over to the door.

"Sure." I looked up and met Edward's ocean green eyes. "I'll be right back." He said before releasing my hand and following his father out through the gray door.

Finally, for once in my life, my happy ending was right around the corner.

********************************************************************  
**EDWARD POV**

******************************************************

"What is it Dad?" I asked, trying to make my voice serious, but not being able to wipe the permanent smile off my face.

"We need…to…um…talk" Why was he suddenly so hesitant. My stomach seemed to drop to the floor. "Come into my office with me."

I followed closely behind, the smell of leather hitting me as I followed my father in like a duckling.

But one thing was in this room, in which I was not expecting.

"Tanya?"

"Edward." She cooed. Oh god I was going to be sick.

"Edward, it seems the Tanya has something to tell you…"

_I hate you so much._

"Tanya…" My father prompted.

Tanya just stood there grinning like a total idiot. "Eddie…" _Eddie_ I loathed when people called me that. "I have some good new." She squealed.

_You're going to go and die in a hole?_ "Really."

"I'm pregnant!!"

_Oh shit_.

"You're…what?"

"Pregnant, silly."

"_What?" _My voice died down to a whisper. _But no, she cant be, it's not possible._

"Son, take it easy." I father said, while placed a cool hand on my burning back.

_Not now_. Was all I could think. I was so close to my happy ending, so fucking close.

I wanted nothing more then to go over to Tanya and slap her smile right off her lips. I had, for four years tried to convince myself that I loved this woman. And now every time I looked into her ice blue eyes it made me feel sick to my stomach.

"I need some time alone." I said, before sprinting it down the hallway.

I ran until I was sitting down on one of the benches conveniently placed directly outside the doors of the hospital.

I could feel the contents of my breakfast threatening to come back up.

No, this couldn't be happening…

But really, what else _could_ happen?

*****************************************************************  
BELLA POV

*********************************************

"Mamma, do you like my hair. Auntie Alice did it." Emma graced me with her fathers smile.

"It's beautiful baby." I said while running my limp hands over her french braids. Emma sat in my hospital bed, curled up beside me telling me all about her two weeks that she had spent with Edward.

"Oh Mamma, Edward is the best." She stopped to reposition herself to look me directly in the eyes. "I really like him"

I smiled at her. What else could I do. _Hey baby, I actually really like him too, hey guess what he as happens to be your dad!_

No.

That was not how it was going to work and I knew it.

I had no clue at all how I was going to tell Emma that the man she adored was actually her father. She has always wanted a father and I knew that. Ever since she had been enrolled in preschool and the teacher had made her bring in a picture of her family. All the other kids had a Mamma and a Daddy; while her picture was missing one important part of the puzzle.

I had prayed that Emma would never meet Edward, but somewhere deep down I knew that the day would come when she would ask the question.

It just came around a little sooner than I had expected.

And it didn't help that my feeling also got in the way.

I knew that Edward would forever be the love of my life and there was nothing I could do to change that. I had been in love with him since the first day I had met him. He had been in a different class then me in eighth grade, but slowly over time as Alice and I became closer so did Edward and me. I remember the first time I knew I was in love with him. It was winter and we were soon to be going in to grade ten, things soon were going to be changing I could feel it in my bones.

But like most Saturdays Alice was painting her nails watching a chick flick in her bedroom and I had slipped out to the _washroom_. Really, I slowly founded myself walking down to her bedroom.

He sat there, like her did every weekend listening to music and reading. I had always called him a nerd, but he had always managed to be popular. We sat there together, reading, as I watched him quietly hum to the music he was listening; at this moment I realized that this was what loving someone felt like.

To feel comfortable with them.

To be able to _read_ with them without things feeling awkward.

To know that they will always be there for you.

I looked to my daughter, my fog ridden mind slowly came out of its flash back.

"Me too." I sighed. Emma smiled at me and put her head down beside mine. Her hair felt like silk against my numb hands.

My eyes began to close.

"Bella?" A voice whispered.

My lids flew open to find Carlisle standing in front of me.

"Carlisle." I repeated in the same tone.

"We need to take you for a C.A.T scan now. Is that alright?"

"Yeah." I mumbled while nudging Emma. Her eyes slowly slide open and met my face.

"Baby, go with Dr. Carlisle, he'll take care of you." I whispered into her hair.

"Where are you going?" She replied, her lip jutting out.

"No where important, I'll be _right_ back, I swear." I smiled at her, leading her small hand over to Carlisle "You wouldn't mind would you?" I asked him, pointedly staring at Emma.

Something fazed through Carlisle eyes. "Yeah, sure; of course." He said while grabbing Emma's hand.

I smiled at him "Thank you."

"Bella, Tyler, the nurse will be bringing you down to the CT. I'll bring Emma down to the cafeteria in the time being."

I sat down in the wheelchair beside my bed, waving Emma and Carlisle off.

I was no longer in second place, no longer compared to his second chance.

I was first.

I hoped.

* * *

**I CAN NOT SAY THIS ENOUGH.**

**IM SORRY**

**IM SORRY **

**IM SORRY**

**For a long time I really thought about giving up writing this story, but my friends changed my mind. **

**I know you all hate me and psh I hate myself.**

**But I hope you can forgive me.**

**I have a few chapter lined up and ready to go, and I will smack myself if I don't get them up within the week.**

**IM SORRY**

**I hope you enjoyed the chapter.**

**-Lauren**


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